Depression/new reality

I started dating Tim 6+ years ago. I knew something wasn't right immediately. I ignored my intuition, sadly. Two years ago he came to me to date with the intention of getting married. He swept me off my feet again- he bought me clothes and endlessly flattered me in various ways. 5 months in to our 'new' relationship my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I picked him up one night as he couldn't drive, due to alcohol, from the bar. He told me the following weekend I no longer made him happy- and soon learned the night I picked him up he met someone else. I was pretty hurt as I was all over the place, processing my dad's diagnosis. I remember saying 'I don't make you happy? I'm sorry, I'm too busy worrying about my own self esteem and happiness that I can't take yours on too! Geez! Not my responsibility.' Anyway, a few months later he came back. My father died and Tim basically was living with me at the time. I was so grateful- however learned that he purchased another girl the same dress and shoes he had bought the year before while I planning my dad's funeral and sleeping with him at night. I thought that was so creepy, not to mention horrible.

Anyway, I had a 4 year old German Shepherd that Tim was very fond of. She died suddenly this last Summer from spleen cancer. This occurred during one of his silent treatment periods, however he was right there when I called him about the pup. Shortly there after he bought me a new rescue German Shepherd for my birthday. We learned she needed some major surgery this Fall that cost thousands of dollars. He paid for it. The pup and I were staying with him while I had kicked out a roommate who was doing illegal drugs and legally I had to give her time to move out. Probably two months ago he said he wanted us to think about counseling and 'he wanted to do better.' Of course, I was excited. Yet, he drinks too much- I have had the worst year of my life losing my dad and my pup, all the while he has been dating others but keeping me on the side. But then he bought me a dog and spent all this money on her. He ended up getting physical with me in September and told me in October he never wanted to see me again. He has stuck to that.

I'm ashamed to say, I miss him. I have told him he has a problem, that he has a PD, he didn't like that- but I am not to blame for his lying, cheating, emotional/physical abuse, alcoholism. I know this- but I'm left with the dog he paid for-- and he and I know one another better than anyone despite the dysfunction. He will admit he knows he has a problem- but he will never face it.

My thing, I'm depressed. I want this emptiness to go away. How long will it take? I know his game! I know I'm better off- but I feel so horrible. I know my new reality has to be sans Tim- but I feel like this fog will never lift.

Any encouragement would be so wonderful.....