I need help
I need help
I have been reading this site and stories since my realization who I was with for the last 4 years of my life.
To be fake would not serve the purpose for any of us so I will lay it out straight in hopes for clarity and just a moment of peace.
I am 41. divorced since 99' because she cheated and I left. I was unable to forgive so I started a new path.
Fast forward to 5 years ago. My ex crush from high school emailed me on classmates asking if I remembered her that she sure remembered me. I so liked her back then but she was what I called "boy crazy". She married and had two kids with a db in my class. I moved away.
4 years we started dating and She made me feel so needed, wanted, desired, missed. She desparately wanted me to genuinely be close to her three teenage sons. This was easy for me to fall into because they are wonderful boys and we became close by the end.
My exnarc had never been successful at work or made enough money to take care of her sons so she has lived of Men and the wealth of her third son's Father.
I have done plenty wrong and I never understood the mistrust, judgements, reading of my phone, calling my ex wife and cussing her out, etc. It has been a rough road. We have had 4 miscarriages and I know that you all think I am idiot by now.....
That is the point! I feel like a loser. I feel like I was engaged to my missed high school sweet heart. I rented out my house with a mx track in the back yard to live where her kids went to school (an hour away). I gave up my dog because my ex before her gave him to me (her excuse at the time was her sons allergies).
I have had NC for over a week and here is my last complication.
Her bad credit caused me to finance a car for her to drive 2.5 years ago. it is old enough and too many miles now and she cannot get a loan to buy me out. Furthermore she and I just got a new cell contract for another 22 months.
She wants me to sign a deal that she will make car payments minus cell phone bill until next Spring and tax return. If I don't do this then the ex and father of third son will loan her 5k to buy the car.
What do I do? I am a decent guy and don't want any harm to her. On the other hand I can't stand seeing her drive to and from her new source in a car that is in my name. I also don't waht that guy helping her out after all that pride and crow I have alrady ate around that guy.
I need to break free of this cycle but my heart is seriously hurting.
I believe in intentions... I believe that people need loved without conditions, even if crazy. It is this very reason they are this way.. I so want to overcome that.
On the other hand... most of you say that I am a white knight 101 and weak. I can agree with that a little too.
Any advice? You can't hurt my feelings, they are already hurt.
Been out for 33 days, nc except for details such as car and phone.
I am 42, she is 40.
She has three kids, two different dads,
she has 3 ex husbands, I have 1 ex wife.
I have a good income and she has just started to have one on her own.
I will eagerly wait and see what you all have to say.. please remember that you have only heard my side of the story but I can say that she fits the mold of a narc. in all honesty, I have several narc tendencies but I can trust, I don't judge, and I don't project. What I have become is resentful, mean, and short... distant