need to talk Please'

I feel I have been doing really good But it will soon be three months without contact;
and for the last couple of days for whatever reason I feel I miss him; the last two times after NC of about 3 months I would sent a text and ask if he was okay'
But That's not what I want to do any more'
I don't want another round I want to go forward'
But I feel I miss something'
I know it sounds crazy But I have to be honest with everyone here'

I don't want to ever go back But I feel a need to know he is okay'

what is wrong with me?

I have had a lot of stress in my life the past few weeks'
Guess that's it;
But he always does this shit he falls off the face of the earth and I start wondering if he is okay'

I know he is I feel he is in another city laided up on another poor woman; driving her insane'
so why am I wondering for'
I don't want him so why am I thinking like this'