Anger gone, sadness setting in

I've been over 1 year NC and been so frigging mad at exnh all this time, it got me through the first year. Last week I had an off week and today I realised it was because I'm not so angry anymore but sad this whole thing went down like it did. I would never ever go back but I'm not sure if I should be feeling like this now. Any thoughts? It feels like I'm going backwards somehow. Rest assured, contact is definitely NOT on my mind.