Understanding rejection

I continue to process the whole "rejection" aspect of the relationship with the N. I realize I was rejected over and over again with being ignored and silent treatment. A well meaning friend asked me yesterday how I was doing. She said she had always believed the N had loved me during our friendship if that was any consolation. Uh...no, it's not. Which pushed me back into self doubt and thinking wow, he loved me but decided I wasn't worth it once he got to know me more intimately.

I read Goldie's blog on the Role Friend, OW Play in their life, and this paragraph had a big impact on me:

"They pursue you because for whatever reason, you were good supply at the time, when they no longer pursue you it's is not because they have fallen out of love with you, because they never loved you in the first place, it is because you are no longer feeding their ego's/needs."

I am working really hard on reminding myself that I stopped feeding his ego. He became angry at me for my emotions which were in response to HIS behavior.

I am feeling frustrated today with missing the illusion and those feelings of blaming myself creeping into my mind. I want so badly for those feelings of "I wasn't enough" to go away forever.

Just having a bad day. :(