Losing the plot

Hello all
I have not posted in a while although I visit and read the posts often. I thought that since he married OW I could finally let go of it all.. that it was final proof that it was all just a sham..
Delayed reaction. Two weeks later I go out and get totally wasted blow my savings at the casino. The sun was up when I got home at I don't have a clue what time. Wake up later that day and go out drinking yet again...
I drink occasionally and socially and have done so all my life. But not like that..for an entire week. I have not done that in my life, ever.
What I cannot deal with now is that I realised that all of the things that I asked him for - respect, his time his attention - he gave freely willingly and gladly to her, always. Yet when I expected the same, I was seen as being clingy and needy and demanding ? WTF !!??
If he had treated OW that way I am quite sure that she would have thrown him out of her life also..
Yes I held on to hope because I figured that maybe he was right maybe I was all those things that he said I was..I could not see the forest for the trees I was so confused..
Now, I hurt still. But the anger..oh now that I see it..I started doing damage to myself..turning that anger inward and losing myself in obliterating it all with drinking.
I saw what I started doing to myself and stopped it before it got to be a major issue. But I am now kind of stuck in this place of, although I never ever want contact with him again, I do want to make it known to him that I see so clearly now that for whatever his reason or agenda, he did use me. That's a fact. I have no FOO issues. I just trusted and believed in the wrong person and did not realise it until it was too late.
I was doing so well..July 4 is the last time that I removed him from my life, two years ago. Because after five attempts, was truly sick and tired of being told how much I meant to him but then ignored while in front of my eyes he had time and attention for her.
I did give him many chances to prove me wrong. But he never did. And I have to say that I am glad that I did, because if I had ditched him after the first or second time, I would have spent the rest of my life telling myself that I did not try hard enough. At least I am left with knowing th at I gave it all I could. Please remind me why I should not contact him..because I am fighting it right now. I want him to know that I see clearly, he absolutely did abuse me. There is no doubt in my mind now. It was not me. My self blame is gone because I know for sure now it never was mine to begin with.
He got to mindfuck me big time..wipe his hands and just walk off into the sunset with OW and marry her.
wtf.. and of course somehow he still convinced himself that it is all my fault. HELL NO.
Triggers. So many things trigger me now. I think that may fade with time though ?
For all of the respect and admiration he receives from his ever admiring " fan club ", he is without doubt the most despicable person that I have ever known.
I cry no more. Do I love him ? I did not EVER think that my answer would be no. But it's a HELL NO. Well, on the bright side, at least my heart is finally free of him.
Now I just need to get over this hurdle of utter contempt that I feel for him now..
So many of you have told me often, that he did not " win ".
I saw that him marrying OW, as a complete win.. game set and match. Checkmate. Mindfuck. But then I got back to thinking, how he treated me.. and what else I see clearly now is, he won nothing. Nothing. He is a fucking loser. In every way.