Three Months ...

I am three months NC today. The fog has lifted, the foundation of fantasyland has irreparably cracked and the reality of Narcville is firmly entrenched in my head. The moments of CD are few and far between and my mantras have become contact = pain and he's a POS and I deserve better. I believe both with all my heart.

The perpetual cloud of darkness that I lived under has dissipated. I no longer find things like making lunch exhausting, overwhelming and impossible to complete without sobbing. I spend far less time on the couch thinking about all of the things I cannot possibly accomplish. Like laundry. The feeling is indescribable. I mean that. I actually can't describe it. I have moments of something I never knew before now ... serenity; peace; calm. I no longer feel like a cat stuck to a ceiling all the time adn I am no longer waiting for the other show to drop. Am I totally healed? No, but I am getting there. Inch by inch. He still takes up way too much space in my head and I still have dreams about him sometimes but I'm getting there. Inch by inch.

And this time around I have ZERO doubt that I WILL get there. Inch by inch. I have worked my ass off to get to this point and I have total and absolute, unwavering faith in this process and in my recoery and in my ability to heal. And I owe so, so much of that to this site - to the members, to the Mods, especially Goldie and Spinning. And to my fellow Support Group ladies - much thanks to you all.