All too well!! Fireguy kept pushing me away and would never let me FULLY know him, it didn't make sense, YET, doing things sexually was ok in his messed up head! It all makes perfect sense now! Fireguy had a long distance gf for two years plus, that he hid from me, while using me for his needs! Thats why he would never let us get "too close". He used me as the girl on the side, while treating her like a gf and I was treated like a whore! But, I never knew about the gf for certain until recently. Yes, there were RED FLAGS, but he would deny deny deny! When I told him I thought he was having a long distance relationship, he told me, "your way off base"! He kept it all hidden sooo well cause she lived 7hrs away. What a dirty sneak! Its like he justified what he was doing in his sick head because she was so far away and he couldn't be with her all the time to have his needs met, so it was "ok" to be with me, sexually! It was NOT ok, he had NO right to be with me while having a gf! He never thought of me or my feelings, why would he? He's a SOCIOPATH!
He is VERY sexual and the type of guy that will NEVER go without!! NONE of these pig guys will ever go without, in my book, believe me! If they are not screwing us, the gf's, there is always "someone else" they are screwing! He seriously thought that it was ok to do sexual things with me BUT not hang out and take me to dinner etc. and treat me as a decent human being...he thought as long as he didn't spend "quality time" with me that what he was doing "wasn't cheating"! WHAT A SICK F! Blowjobs weren't cheating to him, also!! He told me this to my face! I pray EVERYDAY he gets his KARMA for the way he used me and has made me feel so horrible about myself!
My N was the same way- I think I'll call him Prettyboy. Though he didn't have anyone on the side (that I know of), he didn't see anything sexual as a big deal. In fact when I got upset asking how can you just move on after we did all those things, his response was "It's not like we had sex or anything." I was like I KNOW WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX, but there was no point talking to him about the feelings I had associated with other physical acts we did. He just didn't get it. And I was surprised that someone did not understand that, it made me more mad. Nothing sexual meant anything to him emotionally. They are like animals.
I remember the first time my N said to me in person that really, it was not working between us and that we should end it, just be friends. I said okay - as I was getting a bit fed up with his behaviour and could see 'it was not right.' I was still a bit upset though.
We were supposed to be meeting up the following day and he said 'well its okay - you'll be here tomorrow.'
I said I needed a bit of time alone, and did not want to meet up that day. He could not understand that at all! Couldn't comprehend that I had feelings, that it would be hard for me to just be friends at first anyway. Got totally outraged! He just didn't get it at all.
We ALL were used! BUT,its up to us whether or not we will allow these monsters to continue wiping their a..es on us! THERE i said it-it feels that degrading to me to know that we are no more than toilet paper to these freaks of nature.
-----i've been attacked by so many people for fighting back....i've been called bitter and angry...unforgiving....vindictive...vengeful.....and they say it like those are bad things!!...
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This is off topic, but you reminded me of one of my favorite funny quotes:
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.â€
-----i know that anytime anyone ever extended any forgiveness or kindness or anything else to the psychonarc...he saw it as an open invitation to pillage and plunder them further....he bit off every hand ever extended to him......and then came back hungry to bite off the other one......
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SAME way! I am going to call a spade a spade=he is a psychopath! I read Barbara's malignant personality blog and it fit him like a glove.They see forgiveness,kindness,as,an opportunity to exploit us further.i forgive him alright-forgive and FORGET him! NC.
It's why I'm still so angry. I feel like every shred of my innocence had been ripped away from me. I'm a classy chick and I have a lot of dignity. It was ignored. I was lied to by jerks who just wanted to see what they could get from me.
It's something I'm working through, but it is getting better. I'm slowly coming back into myself and I know I'm a stronger person. I'm seeing the world with new eyes. Ignorance is bliss, but it can also be dangerous. I feel more mature. I guess this is what they call growing up.
Sucks.
Yes that is I think what my anger is about. Even though it was just 6 months, I look back and see that really it was all a game for him. He did not put himself out at all for me, I was the one doing all the running, waiting, organising my time to see him (and often more than not he would never turn up.)
The mental games, that I did not realise at the time - but I look back now and see.
I am good looking, intelligent, a dignified person - how I could have been abused by someone like this - who really saw me as just as object - and now probably doesn't even remember who I am.
It is a horrible feeling that my emotions and compassion were used by someone so heartlessly - and horrible to think that really I never meant anything to him. I was just useful for him at that time for whatever reason.
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i think it's a feeling of having your trust completely destroyed..i know it is with me........i had always considered myself to be a smart savvy woman...i felt i had good instincts.....i felt i was a good judge of people.......and now....now anyone who looks at me is a suspected predator....it really does shatter you....and i don't think i'll ever get over it....and i think it takes anyone a long time to get over it....it really is very similar i think to being raped...we've been emotionally raped......and we don't feel safe anymore.....
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Having one's trust totally destroyed. I'll say. Trust destroyed in others. And trust destroyed in one's own judgments.
I am a criminal defense attorney. I have dealt with narcissists & sociopaths on a daily basis for over a decade. Still I was snookered by a PhD tenured professor who is a N & P.
And, it's even better! The new woman living with him . . . she's a psychiatrist! She didn't spot it either. Yet. I wonder if she will figure it out sooner than I did?
Imagine how she's gonna feel? What's that gonna do to her given she's a professional in mental health services?
I know how you feel ((hugs))- my trust was totally destroyed,and,i do not know if i can ever trust again.
Being married a week and being introduced to a woman with the same name and age as his ex wife#3 and him saying this is the housekeeper who cleans house once a month for 50.00 and i'd like to keep her on,and, shes NOT the ex wife and when you ask for a phone # for her to prove she wasn't he doesnt have one.Then,he calls up your now ex friend/s at 1 1/2 months of marriage and whacks his limp d..k over the answering machine while saying it feels goooooooood.......and,this mans ex#3 who he introduced as his house keeper is a civil litigation lawyer!!!!!who's ex husband supposedly hang himself while she was married to my now ex psychopath.Yeah,i know my trust is shot to h.ll(by the way-she collected the insurance moneyon her ex-deceased hubby and bought a house and my ex psycho is tied to her new residence-where she now lives! I still do not know what happened to the woman the census shows lived at his previous address....he rents a one bedroom apt .
You'll enjoy this:
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/04/professionals-in-helping-industries.html
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
That article hit home for me!
So true. I mean I look after others for a living and sometimes that means dealing with and showing compassion for some not so nice people....but it's my job. I have to learn that I don't have to put up with that in my relationships!
Ya, it's a terrible feeling no human should have to suffer.
For my own purposes, when thinking about the truly heinous side of all of it, the flip side is:
To think about how he picked me because I have good qualities, that I finally figured out what's wrong with my mom because of this experience, that I know how to spot red flags...so God willing, this never happens again, and that I can help share knowledge to warn others, or perhaps shorten the time/damage someone has with an N by sharing that knowledge. There's more...but that's how I get through the awful feeling of being used.
The feeling of being used...I understand
AngelGal
No Feelings
USED
some people just don't get it......
Survival
rache
: )
rache
forgiveness
My ex PSYCHOPATH
It's the worst
Feeling used - I agree
used...........
Savy Woman
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17
That article hit home for
used