Crave Male Attention
Crave Male Attention
Hello,
I've been reflecting on what it is about me that lands me in these relationships. I really want to finally break free from my long history of pathological dating habits.
In my soul search I realized that I crave male attention, and the harder it is to earn, the more addicted I become to getting it. That's what I find leaves me feeling so down and out when relationships with these men end. They make their love impossible to earn, and I feel angry that I can't win him over. When it's over, I'm angry that I "lost". It's never truly about him, but about the battle for validation. He gets my validation, and I never truly get his (save for the brief honeymoon phase)
On the flip side, the "nice guys", the ones who give their time, attention, and love, openly and generously are the ones I won't give the time of day to....
There's clearly a problem here of ATTACHMENT. I don't get attached to the available ones, I get bored. And I don't actually get attached to the unavailable ones, I get addicted. I even said to a recent narcissistic/commitment-phobic boyfriend: "I don't want commitment from you! If I had you, I'm not even sure what I would do with you!". Then I thought to myself, what is my problem then, if I don't want commitment from him? And I realized, I just wanted validation that he wanted, desired, and needed me. I feel that I once I get that, I can relax, and then decide if he is what I want or not. I fear, that the answer will always be "or not".
I feel that I am personality disordered. Does anyone know any key terms that capture what I am describing? I want to get better.
peace & love
The key word is "craving"
Portia, i am a year+ NC into
Brinamarie -- Glad to Help!
FOO is probably what connects
Survivalist, my take on this
Journey on...
Survivalist
"In my soul search I realized
WOW...thank you so much for
You're welcome
Was I special to him?
Yup...I was so caught up in
Therapy really assists the
I get it.
Therapy
Self esteem