Like Mother Like Daughter

Hi, friends. Feeling rather bummed this morning.

Last night XNH called. I didn't answer the phone. He then sent a text stating he needed to talk to me about our daughter (she's 17) so I asked her what was going on before contacting him.

Long story short, although she is way more level headed, confident, and ambitious than I was at her age, when it comes to romantic relationships she's turning out just like me. This breaks my heart!

Her first "serious" boyfriend did a number on her. He was controlling, put her down, and pretty much treated her like crap until she'd had enough.

Her second boyfriend got into all kinds of trouble. He had a free ride through college and dropped out the first week. Then he ended up getting a DUI (the kid is only 19). His parents gave him an ultimatum: go through outpatient counseling and NA meetings or move out. He chose to get sober. My daughter stuck by his side and supported him, went to group meetings at his request, etc. As soon as he got his license back he D&D'd her.

Now this new guy...she's only been with him for a month and I'm finding out about all kinds of stuff: he dropped out of high school, got arrested this weekend for public intoxication, has a temper, etc.

I know why she's picking these losers. She and her father have a terrible relationship. He tries to come off as a great dad, but he's not. She's neglected, not listened to, ordered around, cut down, etc. She's picking these loser guys because she wants male validation and she wants to "fix" them. She and I had a serious talk last night and I'm going to get her into therapy. This can't continue. I'll be damned if she winds up like me if there's anything I can do to stop it.

Just feeling incredibly sad about the situation knowing that the bullshit co-dependent way of thinking did not skip her. :(