Help me to refrain from doing this...

Last week when I asked N for loving words and reassurance, which he took my neediness as drama and discarded me in evil way, unbeknownst to him I thought I was pregnant by him. I was having drama that day, but I wanted to spare him the stress of worry, so I didn't tell him until I was sure. I am not pregnant. But it us taking everything I have to not message him , tell him what I just posted, and say thanks for kicking me while I was down, for showing his true colors, etc.

I know he wouldn't care if I preg or not. He would not gasp and say, " oh, my poor Mami, she was having a bad day and I treated her like shit". I am soooo angry that I had to worry this hole week and be sad from discard too

I know I will not message him. I will on,y get hurt. If he messages me back, I will be hurt....if he ignores me I will be hurt.

Just having a flood of held in emotions from this week. I will not message him. My own fault for having unprotected sex with him. I was so deep in the illusion and fantasy that I jeopardized my own health.

I just needed to post this again, I did it in goodbye letter section too. I just can't shake this revengeful feeling. I guess part if me wants him to react, but he would never react like a normal person.

Thanks for listening. Just bear with me if I post mire about this today. This feeling too shall pass.