dehumanization

10 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 21 - 9PM

inrecoverynow

dehumanization

My ex-NPD spouse dehumanized anyone he disliked or disrespected (which was a very, very long list) by referring to them as IT, rather than he/she or him/her. And he would use IT referring to them in front of our children, regularly. His ex-bosses were almost always called IT. I suspect that I am now an IT in his vernacular. Anyway else experience the dehumanization in such a way?

#2 Feb 24 - 10AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

being dehumanized.........

the psychonarc was a pro at this..for one thing..he would never refer to me by name...which made for some difficulties in public...i have actually had him snap his fingers or whistle to me like i was a dog to get my attention in a store or somewhere else in public....anything but address me by name!....and ...if he ever did address me by name...he would spit it out...spit my own name at me like he had a mouth full of sh!t... he too was quite the social butterfly if it was to his advantage and i wasn't around...but any social event that i was also asked to expected to attend....nope...he'd get sick at the last minute.....be too busy to go..or pick a fight and say he wasn't going out in public with someone as hateful and abusive as me...... i was pretty much the only object of his dehumanization...but he worked at it full time....overtime........ but hearing about someone calling someone 'it' is very chilling....many serial killers refer to their victims as 'it'....

#3 Feb 22 - 3PM

rache

My EX sociopath/narc

always said "I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE A WHITE WOMAN",all the rest treated you like a black woman! Funny,all(he) wanted was a slave to do his bidding-24/7 at his beck and call.

#4 Feb 21 - 11PM

quietude (not verified)

inrecoverynow

No, mine didn't do that. That kind of reminds me of silence of the lambs, the serial killer called the girl "it"..yikes! It is no doubt, dehumanizing for sure. But yes, mine did put down others. Doing so is a way for them to express their grandiosity, superiority over anyone else (who are just 'objects' to them). Mine would also try to drive a wedge between me and those I cared about by doing this. Afterall, he wanted ALL the attention.

#5 Feb 21 - 10PM

venuslovedpluto

dehumanizing

No!! That is so messed up. My ex would just immediately change the topic if it gravitated anywhere near someone he disliked. His voice would get flat and sound beyond bored, it actually sounded like some bizarre disgust/jealousy/anger hybrid. And he'd leave certain people out of things he'd tell me about. People he didn't want to mix with his fantasy world (me) I guess. That always felt great. When I'd find out he went golfing with his son but he'd told me he was "just golfing with some buddies". Made me feel like I was dehumanized.

#6 Feb 21 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

serene69

not liking others

Mine never used the IT term - but he constantly put people down - people I would see him chatting to on facebook etc - it never made sense to me then! Does now. At one time we were going to make a film and he had told me to look up the work of a photographer friend of his as we were going to work together supposedly. So i did, and we friended on facebook. The when i mentioned this guy next time I was with N he said 'well he thinks he is going to work for me. He's wrong." Yet the N had told him he was and told me too! Then another time I mentioned a climate group i was interested in - i knew he had been on some of their demos in london. He said he didn't like them?? The another time I was going to join a new literary club in london - of course N didnt like the people running it. If only all the people he is supposedly friends really knew him - how he holds so little regard for them ....

#7 Feb 21 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

no more

I don't think they

like ANYONE you do because they see us interacting NORMALY with people and they don't know how to relate to others. I have lots of good friends and my N didn't like ANY of them. And if you want to know to truth,,,,,they didn't like him either. He didn't want me going out anywhere and I was supposed to just spend all my time with him. I honestly think he was jealous because he didn't have even ONE friend. I have been NC now since Dec 14 and I was just sitting here thinking how peaceful it is without my exN.

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

#8 Feb 22 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

peacewarrior

I would feel confused by

I would feel confused by what I came to learn was N's chamaeoleon behavior. I'd be more confused when he'd hype someone and then speak as if he did not care for them at all.He did not ever have a buddy friend he did things with. He'd claim friends through work yet did not ever want to socialize with them. Truth was he did not want me or us to socialize. He refused to even go have a beer with other parents I was real friends with of our kids groups and neighbors saying subtle to trash how he did not like them. He lied to me over years he "never even had a beer" with a coworker but he could not help seeking attention revealing how he sat and drank with someone! He'd become angry when he protested he "never vists with people and never has a drink" and would BS he "only" did it other times..the job made him do it! Geesh..what a freak...evre cahnging..no one ireal..the lights are on but no one is home person. Truth comes out...he met up with friends, while telling me he wanted nothing to do with the people..fed me bS about them and undoubtably told them I did not want to spend time with them..control freak. .

#9 Feb 22 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

peacewarrior

not a person... not human ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#10 Feb 22 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

rache

peacewarrier

my ex socio/psyco narc did same thing!He would socialize when i wasn't there,but,isolate me from everyone saying that he did not want ME around those trashy people.go figure.he did not even take me to family events.just stayed home drooping.BUT,in the whooing phase wanted to take me places and do things,but,would act like it killed him to do so.Then,he would say he did things i wanted just to make me happy like it was an effort!What a piece of sh.t

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