Relapsing with crazyness

Ok only 2 1/2 monthes since I found out.
No sex for me for years not to mention absensce of emotional support (thought he was stressed and working, works out of town alot), and hes been in a long term affair, so angry.
Court in 2 weeks for emergency support. I have to freaking beg for any help with bills, asshole.
Finally doing better than I get wind of info that makes me realize its been a longer affair than a year like I digged up. So mad
I wrote a letter to her and printed pics to prove hes been here on and off all year, just so she would know and make his life hard, since my pain doesnt mean shit to him!! So angry hes having someone and having sex and doesnt give a shit about me!!
Didnt mail it! Put it in a drawer.
Wanted to call and cuss him out since I havent done that for all the deciet and pain hes put on me that I dont deserve, since I havent done that!! Total relaspe of my emotions Ouch
Just wanna move forward bht screaming inside
Thanks for listening