Face reality

It's time to really face reality. Shit happens.. and that's just life. I did not deserve the way that he treated me and there is no excuse - none, that could justify it. I did not sign up for this crap.
he came into my life, afterall. And I loved him. That is all that I am guilty of. Had he not treated me so poorly I would not have reacted as I did. It's that simple. Has he given me answers, I would not have had to go looking for them.. stalker. indeed... and so I became a person of the lowest self esteem. to apologise to grovel, even. an abusive stalker.
Detector .. stalking is usually out of so called love or infatuation, or jealousy, anger maybe at the person ? wanting to know where they are who they are with what they are doing ?
No, this is different. this was wanting answers. this was wanting to know why a person who claimed to care for me so much, now treats me as though I never even existed. We have to build a strong friendship/relationship.. he said. genuine relationships are based on friendship, he said.
Baloney..firstly, he did not even try. and secondly, if you do not have romantic feelings for a person you don't suddenly just acquire them or fall in love with your friend.. maybe fall in love with the things that they do, but not with them. That is companionate love not romantic or passionate love. it is fine for those who would rather that, than be alone..then convince themselves that they are " content ". Yeah. I know this because I lived it. Several times. and it does not work for me. Eventually you start to feel an empty place in your heart.
I'm ranting today. I was feeling sad earlier and then became annoyed with myself..lol
but really. what was to be sad about what was to miss?
he came into my life. but he brought nothing meaningful with him. He crawled right into my soul and stung me like the insect that he is.then he crawled away again. Without a doubt, loving him was the worst experience of my life. There was nothing good or pure or real about it. Only to me. 1 year NC next week. Two years of my life I have wasted and held onto false hope for something was doomed right from the start. because it was not mutual not reciprocated one sided and emotionally and physically unhealthy. We can't get that lost time back and standing back up and dealing with it all is a bitch. But it is also the most awesome feeling. When yo finally realise, you were not just worth it, he was the one who wasn't.