Today was 4 months NC

And I still feel like crap !!! I am so incredible sad and confused and broken hearted I just want more then any thing to be back to who I know I can be. I spent the entire weekend in the house cleaning from top to bottom removing any item that had anything what so ever to do with time spent with him.

I do wonder if he misses the life we shared? Does he think of me and the kids? Does he have any regrets about the way he treated us, or does it even cross his mind about the things he did that lead to the break up? But more then anything else, when will I not care about these questions that obviously can't be answered :(