My self esteem is shot.

I just keep thinking if somebody that I gave my whole heart and soul to can just up and leave with no goodbye, I must be pretty UNloveable.

I feel like I did almost everything possible to make this work. The only thing I didn't do was let him move in, yet.I told him in spring/summer we would talk about moving in. I just bought this house and wanted my 9yr old daughter to get acclimated. I gave him money that I got by selling my jewelry, helped him get a job, believed in him, loved him. He expected me to take him to work everyday, without asking, if he was short on cash he wanted $10, he was short on cash a lot ~ never offering to pay it back. I paid some of his bills, his rent a few times and I paid when we went to restaurants. He did have a job, not a good one. He was an ex-con did time in jail for dealing/doing drugs (supposedly not sure if this is even true) had no license but has 2 dui's he is wanted for in a neighboring state. He would get mad at me then say it was a "joke". But then I will say, he moved here from another state to be with me, he didn't drink or smoke pot while he was here. He did swear at me a lot, called me terrible names, and anytime I didn't agree with him he would get mad and say, "I'm outta here" and leave my house. He went back to his ex-wife who he claimed he would never return to.

I know how I ended up with him. Just previous to him I was married to a man for 11 years who for the last 5 of our marriage did not pay me any compliments. So I was already low on self esteem.

I found my Kindle so I will be ordering the book today. I have in the past gone to a therapist. My ex-husband and I went to a marriage counselor once. He told her the only reason he was there was because I was making him go. I then went to a therapist on my own. She ate her lunch during our sessions, I took that to mean she wasn't really that interested in what I was saying.
Thanks for reading, I just want to cry but I am so tired of crying over his sorry butt. At least he is out of this state so I won't run into him.