Full of hope, now!

Well it's been since Sunday that we had significant contact, so that makes it 7 days of LC. Sunday night I sat with him in a restaurant talking over the fact that I see no future for us. I ended up paying for my beer and walking out when he started to get abusive. I cannot have NC due to children, but in that time we have had no conversations that did not center around the kids and arrangements for them. He did try to ask me on a date last night. So weird, do I want to do something with him Saturday night as if what happene Sunday just poofed away?

The best part was that I said, "Nah", without hesitation, without worrying about making him mad or hurting him. I just said it because it was how I felt. Then I went on to change the subject to my plans for the kids this weekend.

Today I really saw in my inner conversation how limiting my contact with him has begun to loosen the hold he had on my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I realize that most of the stress and negative thinking that I have been experiencing has been the result of his influence. I look back and see how living with him made me that way. I look forward and see a bright future and am able to think positively as long as I know he will not be part of it. I know there are some rough days and weeks ahead, but I feel so ready to take it on, and I feel hopeful!