Is There Life After the N?

I'm sitting here and I've spent the past several days doing nothing but reading, reading, reading and thinking, thinking, thinking. Just wondering - is there life - a happy "normal" life after the N experience? I can't see me ever again being a trusting person. I don't want to go out, I want to stay home with my pets. I have absolutely no desire to ever again put my heart on the line or to trust anyone. How do you get past that? It's been a pretty emotional week for me - and I am doing the work ... There is a part of me that has died and right now I am mourning the loss the person who has managed through the years to still believe in love and happily ever after and that person doesn't exist anymore.

I'm feel with grief for the loss of the love that I thought we shared, with the final loss of the "innocence" that I still had and for everything that comes with that. I wanted so badly to believe even when everything in me was telling me not too. I made excuses when I knew deep down inside that I was doing that.

I ask myself "why?" and now it's not "why did he do this?" - it's why did I allow him to do this?

Guess I'm sort of rambling along - but you and my counselor are my safe place - my place where I can say what I'm feeling... no matter how screwed up it is....

Thanks for being here...