struggle with people

Hi All forummembers,

Happy new year for everyone, how was your new years eve?

I come here to get some advice for things I struggle with. Tomorrow I am at 6 months NC~)..

I have had a hard time during new years eve, I was invited by people, a couple and because I cant have to much stress at the moment i accepted the invitation. It would be a quiet evening with playing a game.

She told me she is a bad loser, so I was prepared for that, for me i dont care that much, winning or losing, I do my best otherwise i wont play a game at all, but thats it.

So we played a different way of the game, Dont know how to describe, more like the cards will give the number instead of throwing the thing with 1 to 6 on it. So eventually she admist she is playing false sometimes, i dont like people playing a game like that so i thought ok i have to watch out and play carefully, ( already stupid!) so after a while she doenst get cards but the fact is that I choose numbers there were less cards for so I couldnt get enough wood etc, I responded to her with Yeah it is difficult to get all the things you need, etc, then I won the game, I was suprised because of my disadvantage of numbers, but hey ok, I dont care winning or losing, it s the same for me, it is just fun to play a game. Then she said YOU CAN NEVER COMPLAIN Again, you won! The next morning today she said, it was not fun playing a game with you , you complained to much.

I started spinning immediately, I am not a fun person, did I do something wrong? But hey I didnt complain that much? And BTW I was having disadvantage and did won I was completely off balance again, I hope people on here can comfort me or help me, bacause at this moment my life feels strange, I dont know anymore whom to trust, what is it about me, etc. I do know that my bounderies are an issue. I have to become stronger and say no, but also this is just about a game, but for me it means a lot more, it is the way she is treating me, like I didnt say a lot about cheating what she sometimes does, but she said more than once it was no fun playing with you the game, I would never be so hard to someone, i would just decide if I didnt like it to never play again with that person thats it. Well maybe this topic sounds weard about a game, but for me it feels lately that I dont have normal friends, but the thing is I am dependent of some people for my bills. I dont like that but I cant fully work at the moment because of anxiety attacks , and low self esteem, I am scared etc..

well I dont want anymore people in my life who complain about me, I know I am not perfect but I have had enough of that!

Hope someone knows what I mean with this post and can help me out. Thanks !

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