Advice please

Can someone help me with this: my narc wants me back (not going)! But something worries me. He starts by telling me how much he loves misses me etc and I reject him! Then: same pattern occurs, uncontrollable abuse by email: foul names such as tramp, count, accuses me playing around, and picks ont physical appearance tellingly I look old, false tits, eyelashes look cheap, everyone talking about me etc etc! He also goes into detail about what he's done with younger better looking women! This all still hurts, god knows why! Then once he calms down goes back to loves me, wants me, it's me whoa led h angry!

Don't worry I can see through it all (I think) but my problem is: when he is angry and anuses me: is it the truth is this what he's really thinking? These sessions always leaver confused! Has anyone any advice! Knowledge is power! Thank you

Suzie