Another one

So, I've been in therapy, working on myself, exercising like crazy, recoveing from my three-month affair with the Narc, going twice a week to therapy, working on my marriage, and all of that...doing well.

I've been reaching out to old friends, people outside the shared circle of my narc, including a guy, T, who is currently going through a divorce and has been a friend to both me and my husband for almost five years.

The past two weeks, T started messaging me more and more, Facebook, texting, etc., showing up where he knew I would be, and just sort of being around a lot. I just figured, he's lonely now that he's on his own and didn't think much else of it. Then this week, the idealization started. The "you understand me in a way no one else ever did" the "you're always one step ahead of me, so intelligent, so beautiful." I love poetry, and a couple of weeks ago, T said he didn't understand poetry, and suddenly this week, he's posting poems on his Facebook page and asking me if I've saw them. His attention has increased ten-fold.

I knew I was in trouble last night when I was at a meeting at a downtown establishment, and I got a ping in my Facebook messages. T sent me a song...the EXACT same song that the old Narc told me was our song. I didn't respond, but when I walked out of the meeting room, T was there (someone else in our group had checked in on Facebook and tagged me).

I took T aside for a talk. I explained to him that I was married and that I wasn't what or who he needed. He told me that he thought about me all day. That he pictured me at home with my girls and wondered what I was doing. He told me that he would wait as long as it took and be whoever I needed him to be. I told him that he was idealizing me and to put me out of his head. I thought that would be the end of it.

So after the talk last night, I went home. An hour or so later, I went into Facebook briefly to shut off my messages notification to my cell phone, and there were two messages from T. I didn't respond. I couldn't sleep, so a couple of hours later, I went onto back onto Facebook and he'd posted four songs and a poem, quoting relevant bits of all of them. I immediately went back off of Facebook.

This morning, another poem, this one a poem he wrote and sent to my email. It was all about me and how exquisite and extraordinary that I am, etc. That one I responded to, again telling him that I was married and he needed to put me out of his mind. I haven't heard from him since except that he commented on a post on my Facebook page.

I went to my therapist today, and she and I both see that I've suddenly (since my father's death in June) seemed to have developed this pattern of seeking intimacy with or attracting intimacy from N-tended men. In this case, I didn't allow things to go anywhere, and I think it was because of the intense idealizing so soon after the first Narc, big red flags. I even told my therapist that everything was so much the same between other Narc and T. T was practically using the same words that other Narc did.

I guess it just scares the hell out of me. I feel like I can't interact with any men at all...that I can't trust myself. And this is someone I've known for nearly five years. He and my husband have gone place together. Our children have had play dates. Are there really this many narcs in the world or is there something change about me that is making them find me now?