Remembering

Sitting here remembering that a few months into my relationship with N that he said, "I think this relationship has reached its peak....I wish we could pitch a tent and stay here forever". I was so confused by that statement bc in my mind, things were just starting to get really good and my feelings were getting stronger. At that point, we had not had sex yet. This was the same day that he turned me down when I tried to initiate sex. I think he knew that once sex got involved that so would the devaluing. Right now this memory of that day has me in tears. I am so sad that he could not be what I wanted him to be.