I caved in.

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#1 Nov 30 - 1PM
femnarc
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I caved in.

Time to restart NC. I saw her out, she approached and we had a civil conversation for the first time since June, so I sent her an email that summarized the things I've learned from counseling and all of you as well as her B.S. devalue. I didn't call her a narc or otherwise attack her, but I outlined all of the traits, e.g., bait and switch, and the devalue/listed the cruelest things she said to me. I also mentioned her childhood abuse from her dad and how she was parentified when he was killed because her mom (the weakest, most manipulative woman I've ever met) was unable to take over the family, and how this damaged her ability to enter into mature, trusting and loving relationships with anyone. I wrote that even now that I know who she is and why our relationship failed, that my heart aches for her, her past pain, and her inevitable future pain. I ended by saying that I forgive her.

I feel like I let you all down, but it was actually quite a release to send. My motivation for not contacting her for a long time was the hope that she would be miserable for the rest of her life. I also wanted to win the break up/regain control. I realized, however, that this was incredibly unhealthy for me. I no longer care who wins.

From what I've read, it probably won't do any good and provides supply/makes her feel powerful. My ex is fairly high functioning and knows something is wrong, that she's never made love. It's my hope that after enough bad things happen/when enough relationships crash and burn, that she will recall what I wrote and seek help.

Dec 3 - 12PM
Done sourcing
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"Even now that I understand

Dec 3 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
femnarc
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agreed

Dec 3 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
Done sourcing
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Icky stuff I uncovered in

Dec 3 - 1PM (Reply to #14)
femnarc
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it's a fine line

Dec 3 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
Done sourcing
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Maybe instead of labeling it

Dec 3 - 1PM (Reply to #15)
talktothehand
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Femnarc

Dec 1 - 5AM
talktothehand
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Femnarc

Nov 30 - 6PM
Pumpkin
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You

Pumpkin

Nov 30 - 4PM
Hunter
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Oh boy.. You just took a hit

Dec 1 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
femnarc
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You were right

Dec 1 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
Goldie
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Look, she does not care or need to hear all of that

Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
femnarc
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working to not sweat the small stuff!

Dec 1 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Goldie
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Femnarc

Nov 30 - 4PM
Janie53
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FemnarcI

Nov 30 - 4PM
HelpMeHeal
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You did not let us down.

Dec 24 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
jthehat
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femnarc