Acceptance

When the narc first left I believed that my story was different from everyone else's here. I used to read that the narc never loved me and that it was all a game and I used to think " but mine was different, a bit similar but not really because mine did really love me" . I read and read and gradually learnt that my story was exactly the same as everyone's here and that this was never ever love, not even close. The minute I accepted that things changed , that's when I started to really read and understand what he was. I was nothing special to him , I was just another cast member in his narc show . His hoovering began , just the usual narc script and thanks heavens that by that point I knew what he was and not to respond. I have been NC for nearly a year now and its the only thing that works and gives you chance to heal.
The ow was all part of the process, I now know that he was with her 2 weeks after he left and that when he was coming back and trying to seduce me( he succeeded once... Uurgh) he was already seeing her. Poor girl. I have to be perfectly honest here and always have been , I stalked Facebook in the early days , analysed the many many photos he posted of them both, read his posts about how he had found the love of his life and was happier than he had ever been and at times I was physically sick and would fall right back into the black hole that I was trying do desperately to get out of. I soon saw the cycle that I was creating by not going completely NC , it hurt, really hurt and it was doing me no good at all. I was stuck in the mindset that he was normal and happy now and able to have a normal relationship and that it was me who was a failure and unable to hold into a man. What a load of rubbish!!!!! We all know that the ow will just receive the same treatment as we did , if not worse and that distancing ourselves completely from them in EVERY way possible is the only way to get through this. I was guilty of not going completely NC and it held me back.
I just got off the phone from a friend who had just gone through a breakup and she is concerned about what her ex is saying. She said to me" it's just so hard because they say things that aren't true about what happened, you know like when NARC came to my house after you broke up and told me all those things about you and what a nutter you were. I now know its not true, but at the time it made me question you " !!!!!???!!!!!! Ooooooh that hurt for a second cos I know that the smear campaign was going on but I never knew he had been to my closest friends and lied so so much.
But the truth is, he was always going to do that wasn't he?
It's all part of their d&d.
If people don't like me and believe all his lies then so what? I can't change that, all I can do is heal and look after myself and my boys. I'm still the same girl I've always been just a lot wiser.
This experience has changed me for the better . I see that now. If my friend had said that to me 6 months ago I would have crumbled and cried. Now I don't care at all. I live a good life and won't be taken advantage of again.

Big hugs xxxx