Perspective

I had a lovely day yesterday. I wanted to share with you all why it was so lovely. It was lovely because my perspective was right.

I decided the day was too beautiful to waste on the housework I had planned, so I took myself out to a nearby town and did some light shopping at a store that is not in my town. I took myself out to eat a nice lunch at a restaurant with real plates and silverware, and good food. I went to a movie. I was by myself, and I would have enjoyed a friend or a lover for companionship, but I was ok by myself. No, I was really good by myself.

I did not look around at the other couples and families in the places I went and say, "Oh, poor me, where are my friends and family?" I took a book to the restaurant, and I was very entertained by the characters in the book. I spent the entire day without someone finding something critical to say about a thought I had, the clothes I had on, or how I had not done something for them. I only paid for my own shopping, meal, and movie. If I had been with the N's of my past, I would have had to listen to complaints and criticism, I would probably have been convinced to buy things for them at the store, instead of the things I needed, and I would have had to see a movie he wanted to see, instead of what I wanted to see. And, he would have tried to grope me in the movie, and the store, because he knew I despise public displays, so he always tried to instigate them (I believe sexual contact should be private). I would have had to pay for his meal and his movie. He never had money for such things.

In the morning, when I get up to go to work, I will be able to be naked in my own bathroom, without someone looking into the shower to comment on my body, and without being groped as I try to put on my clothes and make-up. I will not have to hear about all the "quickie" sexual things I could do for him before going to work. He of course, didn't have to be at work because he didn't have a job. Tonight my home is quiet and peaceful. I will watch my favorite TV shows tonight, without him coming in and switching channels. I could listen to music if I wanted to, I could read. In short, I am alone, but I am content.

All of this is because of my perspective. Instead of mourning the fact I am alone, and making myself feel bad because someone is not with me, I am celebrating my freedom and my privacy. It feels GREAT to know I will not have an argument tonight! I will not have to put up with him pouting because I didn't agree to give him sex the way HE wanted it, he NEVER gave me what I wanted once he found out what that was. I am happy because I believe choosing sanity and peace was better than the chaos he provoked in my life.

I wish all of you the same happiness. I may find someone who will be pleasant, and who will make me desire to share my time in the future. That would be nice. But if I don't, my perspective is that I am lucky to be healthy and alive and at peace with myself. I'm not bragging -- I'm celebrating my choice. Good luck to you all in finding the peace and contentment that your heart desires!!!!! If you tell yourself you are unhappy and that something is wrong with you, you will begin to believe your life will never change. If you tell yourself you can be happy if you choose to be, and if you guide yourself to do positive things for yourself, you will find happiness. It is all a matter of perspective.