Something out of nothing

Thinking back to exN, I struggle with having made such a fool of myself making what I thought we had, which was nothing, into something. I tried desperately to stay connected with him. Even if we couldn't see each other I wanted to hear from him, or better yet ( I thought at the time), being FWB. When I think of how crazy I seemed, how desparate I seemed, I wouldn't want to be with me either! At the time he was not trying to reconnect with me, but I was pining away for him constantly. It was pathetic. I may have low self esteem, but I do feel that I am soooo far above him or any of his OW in many ways. He was on the bottom of the food chain. To this day, I wish I could have convinced him what a great catch he lost when he discarded me, to convince him that I have normal issues like everyone else, that I am not crazy...every once in a while this comes up in my head. I know I will never have that opportunity. And if i did, he would never give me the satisfaction of thinking i was all that. It's weird, throughout my life i have gotten compliments on what a great person i am, told i am very attractive and sexy, told i was funny as hell, told i was so nice to everyone i meet, told i was a great mom, very successful in my job, etc....and i have this one person, who is not in my life anymore, has no bearing on my life, but i still want the validation from him that i was all those good things to him. Am i crazy? Thanks for listening