The Narc & the iPhone-cheat tutorial

From my time with the Narc, I was privy to many of his lies, lots of justifications and a whole bunch of bullshit. My most dreaded yet eye-opening moments were viewing his tactics with his iPhone.
Narcs or cheaters in general will use their phone as a means of communication with the OW/OM. I spent so many days asking to see his phone, checking settings, questioning things, going crazy trying to make sense of his reasons and basically full CD.

Below I will go through how Narc used his phone for deceptive purposes rather than telecommunications purposes. ( I learnt so much about the iPhone and its ability to be a cheating tool during my 18 months with N- i started thinking i was a PI).

This might help the newbies, the ones still not away from N and is just good to know for the future....

A) He kept phone on silent.
iPhones have a mode for silent and can be adjusted though the little button the side of the phone. This is pretty tame and most of us use this.

B) He turned off vibration feature.
In settings, under sounds - the vibration can be turned off or on. Off means the phone will make no sound or vibration feeling if it is in silent mode. My smart N used this religiously. N even told me that he always turned the function off when cheating on his ex; then he started doing it with me when he was going back to his ex. Oh the disordered mind....

C) Deleted messages.
Always. Even from people who weren't a threat. Liked to keep his phone ' tidy'. I suppose you would keep everything tidy in case you one day forget to delete something. When it doubt, delete all.

D) Deleted call history.
Always deleted contact history, as the iPhone nearer let you delete separate calls. As of the newest update, select calls could be deleted by swiping that contact name. He then started leaving numbers in his phone and showing me his history. Smart narc. He fucked up by showing me that you could delete separate calls ( I had no idea). He accused me of deleting calls and showed me how it worked. I went ahhhhhhhh I see. Projection at its finest !!

E) Notifications centre in settings
In Phone, turn off alert settings so no alerts show on screen.
In Messages, turn off alert settings so no alerts pop up when message arrive. The only way to view then is through going straight into your message. Sneaky as hell!! Also change the setting to view in lock screen-Off.

F) Don't keep email on phone

G) My all time favourite and most despised- airplane mode!
Putting your phone in airplane mode means there is no network , so you cannot receive calls and message and cannot make calls or message BUT our phone appears on and normal.
N used to do this- not sure who taught him, but once I saw it I went mental. I did my first Nc over this issue. He justified it, I told him exactly what it does and that I know and he just denied. Few months later I saw the mode again, again had a fight but he then said he was ignoring his mums calls. YEH RIGHT! This was 2 weeks before I called my final NC.
Beware of this tactic. I hate it.

Narc was good at all this stuff and wouldn't cheat well without his phone. I'm disappointed that I know all this but probably better for it.

Ps. If all seems too good to be true, he even may show you his phone bills to prove fidelity, yet gut feel says otherwise, he probably uses a 2nd phone. Narc did this to his ex gf before he met me, cheated with some other girl and hid the phone in his car. He told me all about it when we met.
( I actually saw a few phone bills from narc with calls to his ex. He said it was about his kid. Not at 12am it isn't!! Yet again I let it go. How many times can one fight over the same issue?!

Why I stayed??!.... Hindsight is a beautiful thing!!

Hope this helps some people and makes others keep their radar for BS up!

I'm so glad that I am now secure and away from that pain of checking and double checking phones. It destroys the souls being a snoop and feeling betrayed due to pathological lies.

If anyone has similar stories or knows extra ways that narc attempts to be deceptive, feel free to share!! Learning and growing from this experience is the key....

Xx