Kelly's story
Kelly's story
Dear Psychopathic/N Ex,
You will never know how hurt I was when you left me. It was only six weeks, but to me, it was six weeks of beginning to trust another man. Six weeks of gradually becoming emotionally vulnerable with you. Six weeks of listening to your stories and believing that you were opening up to me.
Believing that when you spoke about your hopes and dreams, it was because you saw the possibility of me being a part of that. Six weeks of hope and possibilities. Giving you my affection and accepting your affection. Believing that what you gave me was affection.
Believing you when you said you wanted to know everything about me. Believing you when you said that after the honeymoon period ends we will work through it and get to know each other better.
Believing it when you said you weren’t going anywhere. Believing you when you said I was beautiful. Believing you when you said you wanted to introduce me to your family and your friends. Believing you when you said you felt good being with me. Believing you when you said you miss me when I’m away. Believing you when you said you never felt this way about another girl.
Believing you when you said you did not have anyone else you would rather be with. Believing you when you said you had no lost loves. Believing you when you said you were humble.
Believing that you survived more pain than I can imagine during your childhood.
Feeling that I was beginning to know what love is. Feeling like I was safe with you. Feeling like I could trust you.
Feeling good when you were near me. Exhilaration at the sound of your voice, the look in your eyes, the taste of your lips, the taste of you, the touch of you. Feeling your laughter while your were pressed against me in bed. Talking and kissing, and talking and kissing. Believing that we understood each other. That I could finally be myself with a man I was completely attracted to. Believing that you felt the same way.
Believing that you could support me in what I do and actually be interested in me on that level. Believing that we shared similar sacrifices and had similar talents and passions. Believing that I could respect you and that you respected me. Believing you were strong and sincere, patient, understanding, compassionate, forgiving, deeply passionate and emotional. Believing you were emotionally mature. Believing that you were real.
I thought you were real. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know how to know when something is real. I don’t know when it’s ok for me to feel for a man. Is it ever ok? Are the books right? Is it all about the chase? When can I let him catch me? When can I feel the sheer exhilaration of falling? Letting go and knowing he will be right there to catch me, and that he will hold on.
Knowing that he thinks I’m special enough to hold on to. When can I know that I am actually being loved and cared for? When do I know it’s affection and not just sex? How do I know if it’s hollow inside?
You think I’m insecure? When it comes to men, yes. I am. I was vulnerable with you. I told you things I don’t tell everyone. You used my weaknesses as ammunition to hurt me. Then, you betrayed your words and abandoned me. You have caused emotional damage to me. I learn time and time again, you are no exception. There is no security with men. I cannot be secure with a man. I can only be secure with myself.
You are heartless. You are reckless. You are a coward. You are cruel. What you did was abusive. What you did was selfish and careless. You should feel ashamed of yourself. I am a wonderful lady who would have never hurt you. You are a fool.
Whatever hurt I may have caused you in the past, before we began dating, really dating, before I got to know you, before we had even kissed, did not warrant this. How much of an egomaniac can you be to believe that I should dump a man I had been dating for nearly a month to go on a second date with you? Did you honestly believe yourself to be the center of my dating life? Did you believe I hadn’t lived until we met? Did you think I should instantly trust you and fall madly in love at first sight? I was falling in love with you in a natural way while we were dating and then you scolded me for thinking I was your girlfriend after a month of intimacy. Are you psychotic?
I hurt you, yes, and you had been hurt in the past by other women and by rejection in the most brutal way during your childhood and part of your adult life, but that was not my fault. I wanted to apologize to you, but you made that impossible. I have been nothing but good and true to you from the very beginning and if you can’t recognize that, you are the one who needs help. Perhaps you have built in an emotional detachment button for survival during your tough times. Now you can’t control it.
I have been hurt in relationships and by rejection in my life. I have been through more than you can even imagine. I work through my pain. I allow myself to feel it. I allow myself to cry. I allow myself to write crazy letters to you that I will never send, so I can vent my anger, my hurt, my rage and not let it dwell and destroy who I am.
I have been strong and am a source of strength for my friends. Your behavior towards me was ruthless and I did not deserve it. I would have never done that to you. I only wanted good things for us. I wanted to feel peace of mind. I thought I could do that with you. You lead me on to believe that I could. That would have been the prize. You betrayed your words. You abandoned me. You used what I said in confidence to hurt me. Take some accountability you selfish jerk.
Kelly
Defying Gravity
Feeling a little more like myself everyday
Love It
I am so sorry for your pain,
N'S
Thank You
Sounds familiar. Be glad it
So lucky!
Once Again, Well Said
Forever Learning