This letter is long overdue I shouldve written it many years ago when you first disrespected me.
I was charmed by you. We shared so many good times together,had so many laughs,the good times the bad times you were a wonderful lover.....or so I imagined.
From the beginning I thought I had met the man I would share the rest of my life with ...from the beginning you lied to me. All the times you professed your love for me with sweet words, I now understand were only shallow words your actions showed me the truth..
You lied to me ,you manipulated me,you monopolised my time to the extent I no longer know who I am anymore,you tried to alienate me from my friends and family all done so subtly drip by drip.
My self esteem must've been below zero to have allowed you to do this to me.
Life with you meant me losing mine and becoming almost a full time carer at your beck and call and if I wasnt I was called uncaring. Your alcohol dependency your panic attacks your ptsd all these things you never did seem to want to address or resolve they seemed to be your tools for securing more attention and manipulation.
I have now seen behind your mask. The caring loving man I thought I knew and loved is just a facade. Underneath it you are a needy ,selfish person who will lie and manipulate anyone friends family to satisfy your selfish needs.
I understand now you chose me as "supply" because I have got what you want but can never have .I have a heart I have real emotions I have honesty I am a loving caring person.
After 5 yrs of lies and manipulation you knew I could see through your games I was waking up so you sought out new supply and went back to your fallback girl the very same woman you had disrespected so much before.
The last time I saw you was when you left me on the pavement after Id fallen and badly banged my head you just walked away.
I now understand all I ever was to you was "supply" I was never going to get the respect and love I deserve from you.
Now I am free......free to discover me........ free to live a life filled with real love not a fake cardboard cut out fantasy of love.
I will now allow myself time to find me again to love and respect myself .....
You have taught me so much ....you have taught me never again to allow myself to settle for anything other than what I deserve and I deserve real love.
You have taught me to listen very carefully and do not ignore my gut instinct as mine cried out to me so many times when I was with you but I took no notice.
I am beginning to understand my part in allowing you to abuse me and I know I need to work on my issues of co-dependency thats were my focus will be,on me now, not on you anymore. I need to fix my issues your problems are not for me to fix only you can do that and if you chose not to thats your choice.
Sometimes the best lesson is the hardest lesson of all. This has been a hard lesson but its one I will never forget and I wont make the same mistake again. (Life's hardest lessons are also the most precious, because they force you to face your own weaknesses and fears and unleash hidden strengths you never knew you had.)
So thank you and Goodbye Thankyou for being part of my life and helping me to learn these valuable lessons.