Thinking about him after 4month NC

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted in a while. I am slightly over 4 months NC, and for the last couple weeks, I've been thinking about ex N a lot. I have been getting better and better since establishing NC. However, somehow in the last couple of weeks, I've been missing him more than usual. I had to pull out my papers where I wrote all the reasons I broke up with him to remind myself how he really is. It's so easy to forget after some time passes. I have no intention of breaking NC. I know this is just a part of the healing process. Anyway, I just wanted to post because I thought I could use a little release by typing out these feelings.

I don't feel ready to date yet even though I am upsetting a particular guy who is showing interest by not giving him the time of day. I really don't want to get into it with him as to the reasons in which I don't want to go to dinner with him. I don't want to talk about private matters with him. I have met a few other guys that seemed perfectly nice, but I know I'm not ready yet. It wouldn't be fair to them or to myself to get into anything right now even if it would feel nice to get some male attention.

I guess that puts me in a position to continue to work on myself and hope that one day I can be whole again. I am finding the real me again and that feels great. I hope everyone here going through their own pain is healing. I am confident that if we continue to do the work, we will be even better than we were before we met our ex Ns.