Ugh

Can someone please tell me that this is going to get better!!! I am full on pms-ing.
I can't believe I fell for his shit. It's 2weeks nc. 17 days is my longest nc.
I hate his guts. I want this gone!!! I don't want to feel this doubt and I certainly don't want to think it was all my fault and that bc he has 3-4 years sober that he is normal. And bc I didn't struggle in this life the way he did that I don't have his knowledge and his godliness.
I am actually blaming myself. Is this cd? I don't want to make contact except to curse at him.
This is now an internal battle. Does anyone relate?
FML