Facebook is evil.

Help, you guys. :(

I was doing SO well! We "broke up" in May (well, I tried but he disappeared before I could) and I have spent the summer moving forward . . . seeing a therapist, talked with Goldie, read and read and read all I could. I got myself to a point where I was not thinking about him all day, and when I did think about him, I could acknowledge the thought, dismiss it and move on. Progress, right?

Yesterday I feel like I got set back to the beginning :( I was visiting an office where we both used to work - lots of mutual friends who don't understand the five years of hell I went through with him. I kept my relationship with him fairly private.

And one of the women had Facebook open (I have him blocked on m account). "Hey Lisa, Jeffrey has a new girlfriend--wanna see a pic?"

Her computer was right in front of me, and at that point, it was like staring at a train wreck . . . I didn't wanna look, but everything in me felt compelled . . . what does she look like, is she prettier, younger, etc. And so I did. Not just at one pic. This woman showed me several recent pictures, of them holding each other and smiling and looking so happy. Oh my gosh. It was like a knife twisting in my heart. I lost it right there. SO embarrassed. But I did. I cried a river of tears, right there in her cube.

I "knew" that there must be someone else because he had not been contacting me--not for 3 months. That's BY FAR the longest he's ever gone in the past 5 years. No hovering, nothing. But "knowing" and seeing the reality are 2 different things. I feel like my heart has been broken all over again.

It was a woman I'd seen a picture of (with him) - on Facebook - before our relationship was officially over. Grooming his next victim, because at that point he knew I was willing to walk away.

I have deleted the FB app on my phone and deactivated my account. This was WAY worse than breaking contact via text or email or even a phone call. And the crappy part is now that I've seen them, I can't get the image of the "cute couple" (yes, I read the comments too) out of my head. The pain is back full force :( . This is SO hard, even if though I know who and what he is.

Starting over again, one day at a time . . .

-Juliette