never confront the narcissist
never confront the narcissist
I'm completely screwed! I've was in a relationship with my ex for over 1 1/2 years we have been broken up for seven months now. This whole time I've been trying to reconcile and get the relationship back. I had know idea i was dating a narcissist either until recently by doing tons of research and finding out what one was. I HAD KNOW IDEA I WAS FEEDING THE BEAST AND GIVING IT EXACTLY WHAT IT WANTED!!! The beginning everything was perfect just like everyone says then slowly a dark cloud rolled in and everything went to hell! At first I thought we were just having some problems with communicating. Then it started to get worse and worse, she started to not care about any of the concerns i had in the relationship they were all just my problems to her. She would never ever show any empathy towards anything or just a little to keep me guessing. I think this is when the mind games started.One min the girl i loved from the beginning then the next this careless monster. I honestly had know idea what was going on, but continued on with her because i loved her very much.I was under her spell.There was also constant lying about talking to ex's from her past which she told me they would just not stop calling her. Which i believe now was a complete lie. I know now that they were part of her supply that she couldn't let go. Eventually at the end of the relationship she went out of town. I completely trusted her still, later I find out she met up with her ex. Finally after two weeks of her return thinking everything was fine she broke up with me! Which completlly screwed up my head. She started to blame the relationship ending on me everything was my fault for the first month i tried relentlessly to get her back then i stopped caling for a week trying to go no contact but i wasnt strong enough at the time she called and you bet i answered this would be the first of many times this happened. I honestly thought i could get her back with being the best possible guy, the guy she praised in the beginning. All the while i was just giving her the cake so she could eat it to. She lied to me even more and more and i believed every bit of it. She would call i would answer listen to her talk about everything she wanted, but when i started to talk about me or the possible future of us she didnt have time to talk anymore she just kept me on the phone long enough to keep me wanting more. She would finally agree to met up. We would have what i thought would be a good time she would come home with me then in the morning she would completely change who she was from the night before, saying how it was a mistake and making me feel like i tricked her into being there.Always putting me down to make me feel horrible. That's exactly what i let happen for seven long grueling months. All the while lying to me about everything from seeing other guys which i didn't want to believe to telling lies about me to her friends and family with out me knowing.It seems now from what i've found out with all of this is that this was the plan all along to hook me in make me think that im the only one all the while lying and manipulating me, and then when she was done to discard me and just keep me on the back burner as one of her supply sources. well this last month i've caught on I had enough I tried to tell her no more i need to know whats going on.I cant do this anymore. Then she brings out that she misses me that wants things how they were and remembers all the good times of our relationship and that shes not opposed of us getting back together we just need to work at being friends first. I believed every word of it to. She even asked me to write her parents a heartfelt apology letter for the times I might have been a jerk. Which i did have my moments because I was going completely insane at some times trying to figuer out what was going down. Its extremly hard to see through their lies and maintain you'er sanity with these types of people .So that's what i did wrote her parents the heartfelt apology i gave it to her that night at her house and she said that this will be really good and will help things out. i waited two days to contact her to see how it went over when she answered the phone she acted like she didn't know me the conversation was as if she never asked me to write it and that she wasn't really concerned about it that she didn't have time to talk about it and I was bothering her because she was getting ready to go out for the night. That moment is finally the first time in over almost 9 months that i felt like i had my balls back.I was so ANGRY AND PISSED OFF about being tricked again into actually believing her.I absolutly went crazy I told myself that i was gonna find out every lie an manipulation she has said and done to me and confront her about it just so she can feel the same hurt and pain that she put me through. That was the worst thing i could ever have done. I should of cut my losses along time ago and said good bye at the initial break up, or at least at that moment just walked away.I did't thou I proceeded to find out what was going on which in turn hurt even more because the lies I found out she had been saying the things she was doing destroyed me made me 10 times worse. It built me up with so much anger and resentment towards this person that could careless about me. I did not know what i was going to do, but i knew i had to release it.So last Friday I went to where she would be at and confronted her. first i asked a question i wanted to see if she would lie about and she did then i asked here others more lies all while having a smile on her face. Then i began to tell her how i know shes lying how i can see right through her and that i want nothing ever to do with her ever in my life and that she is a shitty person by this time I am yelling at her trying to make her feel horrible, but still she has a smile on her face which just made me even more upset then i began name calling her before I finally left. later that night i went and got drinks a habit that i picked up through all this turmoil and started to try and get her on the phone by calling probably a hundred times and tons of text messages all during that night just hoping see would feel a little bit of how I felt the past months. I wanted to get even to finally have my closure and i thought i gained the upper hand again by telling this person off. Wrong dead wrong! Monday morning I wake up to a police officer at my front door serving me injunction papers from her. After I left she called the police and said that I harassed her that I put my hands on her. That she has text messages from me and voice mails which were definitely angry from me confronting her from all the past lies and manipulations, and from her making me her puppet or myself allowing her to make me her puppet. Worst idea ever! I should of known better. Now I am so scared about this court hearing and what possible things she could say to the judge to make me look horribly bad or what lies shes already been saying to people over the past months that i dont know about. I never called the cops on her when she was going crazy so I have nothing to go on. l
Long story and I'm sorry i just really dont know what I can do.