It's Been a Year!

I'd like to say I was D&D'd and never saw his sorry face again ;However, that's not what life had in store for me. I'm actually glad it didn't.

My final words to him a year ago were actually,

"You are perfect for me."

At which point I was verbally assaulted and hung up on.

That was it for me. I immediately knew what I was going to be up against, because in my experience it was through my work connection with him (I'm a delivery driver) that he had managed to keep control of me for 12 years.

I put together my plan.
I gathered the tools I needed. Number one of which was this forum!

I kept two of his disturbing statements in my head and was Hell bent on proving him wrong:

"Nobody fucks with me."

"Women leave, but they ALWAYS come back."

Crucial to both my healing and his demise was NEVER mentioning anything personal, which included that final conversation. I didn't shun him. I basically "wore a mask of indifference" from day one. I also acted oblivious to anything he did. In his eyes I appeared like I didn't get it, yet I never contacted him. I was "nice", but absent in his personal life.

It was extremely difficult.

In all honesty, I did want revenge and I saw the fact that I was going to have to have to ongoing interactions with him and repeatedly told myself,

"It's Ruby's turn now. I'm not going away and every time you look at me you will feel your ugliness."

I knew what he was going to do, because unlike him, I had actually listened to him in the past. I also was aware of the fact that he was a complete coward who's pattern was to screw people over and run. He had no where to go in my case. Bummer.

Through the course of the past year the man has gone through EVERY manipulative tactic in his bag. I think we all know them.

The beauty of it all was that I recognized them. It was so empowering to use the knowledge I had gained from hours upon hours of research, and recognize how I had consistently been unaware and continued to go back.

The forum gave me accountability. Previously, I didn't tell any friends or family members, because I knew the relationship was wrong, Admitting to it and telling the world I'm not going to do it anymore meant I better have actions that follow my intent.

As each month passed it became easier and I no longer found myself wearing a mask. I could stand in front of him and feel completely confident that I was in control of everything I was doing, and my bonus was that he was visibly annoyed by me.

About 7 months in, in true narc fashion he basically "discarded" my shipping company. He now orders parts from a local auto parts store who hand delivers them. And I very rarely pass him on the road, which was always one of his favorite hoovering methods.

Of course there are the random orders, maybe they could be called crumbs, and when I go to deliver them he will make a stupid comment like,

"Where you been?" (ha ha)

So anyways, I think I did it! I don't have to see him hardly at all and I worked really hard for that.

What advice I would offer to others just beginning their journey out would be to accept the fact that anything these people do is motivated by their need to secure, advance, or protect THEMSELVES. What happens to you is secondary, if even that. So don't take it personally.

If you find yourself picking apart specific details of your interactions and what the truth was. Realize the truth is 100% of his involvement was an act.

If you are in a situation where you can go complete NC- DO IT and do it now. All you ever get from a PD is STRESS.

I may have been D&D'd the first time around, but I earned this one and I'm proud of it.

I thank all of you that have helped me over the following year and I hope that I can offer help to those who are just beginning.

xoxo,
Ruby