Help

Im back! Been lurking for a while but haven't posted. It's been 8 mos nc since the big fight and technically 1.5 years since I originally left so really almost 18 mos no contact. if the big run in and fight didn't happen in october. Anyways, eight mos no contact and lately I want to call him. Why? God knows. Have I? No. I emailed goldie last week for help. I'm getting weak again today. The only thing that stops me is the reminder of the pain. Please help kick my ass in gear. Oh hunter where art thou??? Obviously I have major issues. Getting to 2 days nc was hard. Eight mos is an accomplishment. Why do I miss him. I pulled off his mask I know he's fake.