The Pain of NC
The Pain of NC
The pain of nc is a process of many things you are trying to accomplish; its not just about silence on your end, its the continual work 24-7 of letting go of the persona, facade, illusion, living in a fantasy world that was nothing but a lie that you believed in and loved very deeply. Remembering what you are facing and coming to painful terms with will greatly help you stay nc. Its time to face the music, and take off the rose tinted glasses - its time to look into the light no matter how much the light hurts, its time to see and realize the damage he has done to you, its time to take action and see this man for what he is - there are no more quick fixes with sex, or hearing his voice - even if you dont care what he says is a lie you just crave to hear his voice and those sick terms of lying endearment he used on you that you would DIE to hear again..... because be careful what you wish for, more contact one day may just be the last contact that will totally destroy you.
With NC you are extracting yourself mentally and physically from a world that never in a million years would have brought you happiness NOW, or 20 years from now - its only a temporary fix back into the house of mirrors that made it SEEM so. What ever you felt with him was fleeting; for the moment, a day, maybe a week .... Something that is not real can never last and their actions are living proof of that.
I am going to turn this around looking back he was MY supply - a supply and fix that kept me from facing my own reality, a sick man that simply pretended to be everything he knew I wanted - I got some heart breaking news for you; that is what they are for everybody and only those that are strong and stay grounded in the real world are the ones that can escape. Life is not a fantasy - real life is full of contradictions and compromises, give and take, growth and change - something a psychopath is never capable of doing, but he will fool you into believing he can.
I know very well the feeling of living on the greatest love high you have ever felt then being thrown off the highest building and landing on your face; that is what we all experienced. You get up, dust yourself off and for awhile you say, WTF just happened just last week I was the love of his life and know I feel like I have died from the fall. When I landed on my face it woke me up from the coma he had me in - you wake up and you no longer see prince charming but you see him for what he is and the fantasy he had you in. Give him the silent treatment for all eternity because this is a man who was a murderer of everything you ever loved - show this man what a silent treatment REALLY IS - he gave you the silent treatment to make you feel like you didnt exist, return him the favor and let him know he is dead and always has been.