one thing

i find difficult to comprehend is that there had been d&ds and I had fallen from the pedestal for sure. but he then moved in with me... and while I knew that there were issues and I knew that he could be cruel, that he lied, that he promised huge things like having children together and then totally denied ever having the conversation ... although I knew all of that .. there was still some affection there and what felt like at the time relationship.... then he lived with me for one week before we split up again ... then he came back and we tried again .. a few days before Xmas eve I had figured out he was abusing me and had made up my mind to make him go ... we just get through xmas for the sake of his little boy and then I would tell him.... at that point the abuse went off the scale... it was near on relentless all day everyday for three weeks until I was so close to the edge (of what I am not sure but it is the most frightened i have ever been) all i could say to him was ... you have to leave .... you have to go ... you have to leave .. you cant stay here....

why did he move in ....? he didnt want to ... that was obvious at the time and now even more so....

why did he suddenly switch like that to just pure abuse none of the other stuff .. the mask just fell away .....

he looked awful to me... so ugly and despicable ... after one particular day during that time ... I said to him I need a hug ... his response was ... ask me nicely..... I just turned around and went to sleep in the spare room.

I had called him out a few times and said to him .. I know you are bullying me. I know you are abusing me. he wuold act like I hadnt spoken then accuse me of abusing him.