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blew up at him

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#1 Dec 17 - 6AM
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

blew up at him

Well I broke my nc and blew up at him. I told him I wanted all the ties severed. I said I wanted no communication or interaction with him. This was after being told Im frustrating him to our marriage was dead and he didnt want to come back to he never said I bothered him and he wanted me to have a Merry Christmas and a great birthday. He was told we were sent a Christmas card together and he wanted to see it. Who cares.

Im frustrated with myself for even reacting. I just told him to delete my contact info and I would have someone contact him only in the event of an emergency with son.

I reminded him I gave him sons info and if he wanted to know anything, then find it out himself.

Dec 17 - 5PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

What is so bad about blowing

What is so bad about blowing up at him. He pushes your buttons and you re-acted. You are finding out how to deal with him. There is no manual on how to deal with these narcissists so you just have to figure it out as you go along. At least you can be happy you and your child are reasonably free of him. One thing that annyoys them and they lose interest in you is to mention something about their appearance. " A friend of mine saw you the other day and couldn't believe how much weight you put on" or "are you losing your hair?" they have a problem with self image and don't always know how they look and this bugs them big time. Make yourself someone he doesn't want to associate with. My favorite was-"friends used to tell me you were too good for me and now I believe it is true." they love that one. Remember you are smarter than he is you just didn't know that you were. You got away!
Dec 17 - 10AM
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

thanks

thanks im copying the text. im starting back today as day 1 of NC. I havent heard from him today. Im getting to the point of dreading hearing the phone. Ive noticed a new pattern in him. When there is NC he will call son. He ask him what are you doing tonight? He will start asking him lots of questions. He never mentions me though. this may even be silly on my part. BUT I just dont trust anything he does. Then if something happens and there is contact with me, he stops calling son and goes to the 1 good night a day text. its just something Ive taken notice of. When there is NC, if son asks him a question on how to do something, ex wants to come to the house and help him. Ive noticed that the more I pull away and the angier he gets at me, the more of an interest he seems to take in son. But then if contact with me happens it seems to dwindle. Does this make sense? I have stepped out of their relationship. I do not set up their time. I do not force son to go with him. I tell him if he wants to change the day or work out the time, its his choice. If he talks about his dad, I dont say anything unless he asks me a question. Son has got to learn on his own about dad. Ex still isnt setting up extra time with son but I still get the blame. I still get the Im keeping son from him and he is having to fight to see his son. Barbara you may have to answer this. I feel like his game is trying to make me feel again that Im unimportant to anyone, take my self esteem down, also I dont matter, and most of all control. Because when I blew up at him, he did say you win, you have all the control back.
Dec 17 - 8AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

justwantpeace

so back to 'essential NC' business only pick up drop off he calls about ANYTHING else... ANYTHING... - hang up - erase messages if he veers from basic information - NO discussions - erase texts after copying - go to your lawyer and demand they STOP his harassment BUSINESS ONLY!
Dec 17 - 7AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Don't beat yourself up about

Don't beat yourself up about reacting to his rant. Even a monk who took a vow of silence would blow up at some point too. Sometimes you just lash back because you get tired of EVERYTHING being your fault. From everything that went wrong with the marriage to global warming, it's all your fault. I know you don't feel good about sinking to his level (well, no normal person could sink all the way to his level) but at least you let him know what a worthless piece of shit you think he is and told him in no uncertain terms that you don't want anything to do with him. I went back and read your story again and your son is old enough for them to communicate about your son's activities, school, etc. You can be out of it for the most part, except emergencies of course, like you said. You are fine. You are a good person and you did good in this case. Just let it go and have a good day!
Dec 17 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
hopeforbetter
hopeforbetter's picture

I just went through this as

I just went through this as well and felt like I let a lot off my mind and like you, I just snapped. I'm tired of being blamed for his bad choices, including criminal activities he served prison time for. Later, I felt worse because as much as it felt good to vent, he still doesn't carry any emotional ties like I do. So in the end I still feel angry. We could yell at the wall. And get the same result. And he's been stalking and spying on me twice as much ever since. I've been hiding in the house for days and feeling like my outburst is his justification. Yes he has a new gf and she's pregnant and yet all his time is spent on finding out what I'm doing. There's my answer. No change. Just protect yourself as mch as you can.