Is this rape

You have described it as it was. It is time for you to start to plan your exit. It will continue to get worse so don't wait. You need to look at a safe exit, your financial position, and any other aspects. You might be better served by keeping your plan to yourself until you find a new place, and move when he is not home. If you are married you will have to find a lawyer. Try and ensure that you are gathering evidence that you can use in court. A tape recorder that is voice activated from Radio shack, a hidden camera, etc. it all sounds so dramatic but if you need to divorce you will need proof positive. What he did was disgusting and you are putting it out there because it is shocking to you. He is not the partner for you and it is time for you to say goodbye and find the right person who has loyalty, respect, and the capacity to love. you deserve that.

My Heart goes out to you! I just read your story. Please leave this man. Abuse is more than beatings! Your N is so much like my N. No real beatings just all that verbal, emotional, & physical - boundry invasions -- which drive one crazy. The days & days & nights, I spent weeping. What happened above is a boundry invasion. & it's just plain selfish & he's using you for masturbation. This is all so wrong. And Christmas is next week. He's going to be bad like you wrote in your story. Can you go someplace else? Family? My N was always a BASTARD over Christmas. (I am suffering flashbacks to all that trauma these last few days because of the Christmas cheer & build-up.) Be very careful if you leave him. You wrote in your story that he sensed you were different & was being very nice. Same with my N--he sensed that I was pulling away & became nice. In the end I told him I was leaving one month before I left. My life became a living hell. He became so disorganized & fragmented. It was very, very scary. I was told it would be too awful & cruel to find a place to live & disappear while he was on a conference. Vacate the premises while he was away. Exactly what I should have done! Ns are not normal people. You cannot leave an N as one would leave a normal man. When I told him I was leaving, he became impossible. I left very quickly with only a few possessions because I was very afraid of him. Because I left quickly & with only some clothing, I was locked out of the house which I co-own with him, prevented from getting my possessions, & when I was finally admitted, my stuff had been all gone through & many precious items broken. Listen to Barbara. Got to a DV place or anywhere you can for help. Plan your escape carefully. No reasoning or discussing things with this guy. He will never change. Climbing on top of you like that! He doen't care one little bit about you, your boundries, your body, or your feelings. Pushing a tampon inside of you could have been a medical issue--you may have needed to go to hospital to have it removed, or it would have become infected. He's got you beaten down & brainwashed & so scared that you are just grateful if he doesn't starting raging & screaming & reducing you to a puddle of tears. You are essentially grateful for not being beaten. Don't live life at the lowest common denominator. It's better to be all alone than to be used by such an unfeeling monster. He may have been nice in the beginning. But he's not anymore. Except for when he wants something from you. Or if he feels he's losing you, he'll go back to Prince Charming. But, once he has you again, the abuse will excalate. He will punish you for challening his control over his prize dog. Because that's what he sees you as, his prize bitch. As a court psychologist who works with criminals advised me after I left & was trying to get back in to collect my possessions . . . Do not go alone & bring really BIG men . . . go fast, in & out, no discussions. Which is exactly what I did & it was still horrible & a drama. These Ns are awful when you leave them. Be very careful & do it fast & no contact. Vanish. New phone, address, e-mail -- disappear.

I'm so sorry. This is rape-because you didn't consent!My XN did that to me too. I had my period too which is why I said 'no' to him. That is a blatant lack of respect for you and violation. Leave him for your own sake. This may escalate into something far more terrible!!!

YES! ugh... I hope you are away from this monster ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website