Where is the karma?

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#1 Dec 14 - 11PM

JordansMom

Where is the karma?

I don't get it! I freakin don't get it!
The jackass cheated(over 30 women), was abusive(hospital visits), and oh my gosh the lies were insane. This donkey's hind-end is actually being faithful, kind and loving to the new wife and it's been long enough that the mask should have fallen by now or even cracked. No-it's not the same. None of it is the same or even close to my nightmare! He's not getting worse like I thought/expected. He's not trying to get other women, not calling other women, he's not doing any of that, he's actually being a real human with this one. WTF!!!
It's not so much that I want him to fail but to me it feels like something was wrong with me. Wait, that's NOT the truth, I do want him to fail and fail miserably.
It was supposed to be around 6 months that his true colors would show, but damnit nothing not even a hint of N. It's almost been a flippin year and nothing.
I'm going to lose my house bc it's way too expensive for me and he wants me to move out and wife and him to move in. I'm so livid!!! My son's friend's mothers are starting to call her for play dates and that stuff bc I have to work and she doesn't. She's loving it! And she does stuff to irritate me; ex. constantly referring to him as "my husband" this and "my husband" that, when she knows we haven't been split up very long. Or "my step-son this and that" when referring to my son as were discussing him. She's pouring salt in my wounds and I think her mouth is going to get stuck that way from smiling so much about it!
Yes, I'm pissed and jealous! Yes, I'm mad as hell!

Where do you go from here? The nastiness just keeps coming daily. (Can't go NC due to our son) I do as much NC as I can with both of them. He's taking me to court for jt custody. He actually has a pretty good case but I still think I can hold my own. Where is justice or karma or the crazy mask that is supposed to show it's ugly head? MF, maybe he's finally settled down and wants to be good. Maybe he's not an N.

#2 Dec 17 - 10PM

Jessika (not verified)

Jordan's Mom

I am sorry that you are going through this. Remember... as stated in the book Stalking the Soul... in their warped mind in order for their to be 'love' there has to be hate. Unfortunately... there is hate toward you- therefore he can (insert clear the throat sound) love her. Honestly.. if you were not a part of the picture he would direct his hate toward her. This was something I learned the hard way when I was devalued and discarded... I was trying so hard to hold on (I know that is not what you are doing)... but I was trying hard to hold on; trying to make him happy. Then it hit me like a brick- him being so hateful to me was merely attaching him to the OW. When I FINALLY made myself let go and go NC... then I would get the pleasant little text here and there from him. All of a sudden he wasn't so 'in love' anymore and behaving all faithful to the OW. The source of hate (me) was gone. Your situation is SO tough since you cannot remove yourself out of it- given that there is custody. Take the advice of the these other smart ladies here. My thoughts are with you. Jess :o)

#3 Dec 17 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

Jessika (not verified)

I also want to

say that I agree with all the ladies have said here about them never changing. Pathologicals are INCAPABLE of that --- never gonna happen -- EVER. You can take that to the bank!!!! Like I said... with my ex the second he realized his sweet little Jessika was not at his disposal... Mr. Wonderful boyfriend to the OW was texting ME again. As though nothing happended. So see... he didn't change. Didn't become a good boyfriend. Probably was staring to devalue my replacement and she didnt realize what the heck was happening.... he needs someone to hate, project onto, and dump his pathology INTO- they certainly will never carry it. Your ex and this woman are not happy. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes with a disgusting cheater as my husband. He will do it again and again and again. You just serve a purpose right now... your pain is helpful to their 'relationship'... Unfortunately she is benefiting from you being in the picture. (((hug)))

#4 Dec 17 - 6PM

Carolyn

you are in a nasty space. I

you are in a nasty space. I don't know how anyone could take what you are taking. If you can find a copy of Stuart Wildes book, "weight loss for the Mind" it will help. You have to know that this is going to blow up all over the plac it just has its own time frame then she will look like an idiot. We all went through the devaluing with the OW and then watched her sink like a stone. Get your mind in a good place for yourself. He is also menacing you with the custody suit. Ask that he have an evaluation for personality disorder-that will put a dent in his boat. Keep calm, keep cool, and keep away as much as possible. this loser will blow-up like a volcano eventually. Don't lose your child or your mind over him. I think the Wilde book really puts you in the right place for a guy like this and his gal pal who is his sidekick in terrorizing you and keeping you a victim of an emotional vampire. You can do it you just need to learn the techniques. The book is small and only takes a little while to read but it packs such a punch. I was wondering now why didn't I think of that? You have good character and look at the problems he has caused you with the house, custody, this nutty new wife, your child upset. He has big time Karma coming down the hill I promise you. He is the loser and you got away so you are the winner.

#5 Dec 15 - 4PM

tiger1

I was friends with my N and

I was friends with my N and his ex gf for years before we got together. I never never saw his behaviour. All I saw was his gf acting in the wierdest ways and I believed his stories of how crazy and needy and pathetic she was. Guess who looks like the crazy needy pathetic one now to the outside world. My N is a charmer and I don't know yours but I bet he's just the same. He will be using the new wife to obtain what he needs and he WILL return to his old ways, just wait and watch from as far away as you can be.

#6 Dec 15 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Cgrl

Every day

Because you cant see it you think its not happening???? Its happening. These guys have a pattern that they NEVER skirt away from. It is all they know. It is thier life. His Karma is his life- look at it. Really look at it. Yeah she is going along with him but hey it can be a show now cant it? What did you portray to the outside world? Great relationship - so in love. Same thing. He will turn on her. Its at his CORE. He WILL do it. They cant help it. Its WHO they are. Just because you dont see it does not mean it is not happening. Hey - look at all of us. We were all the last to know there were others in our relationships. YOU are forgetting what sneaks, liars and cons they are. Its thier personality. HE is sneaking and lying and conning her as we breathe. I would bet my last dollar on it. Dont be so sure about what you cant see.

#7 Dec 15 - 7AM

alfrebob

justice

Hi JordonsMom He wants to take you to court for joint custody? She is calling him her stepson? He needs to look like a changed man for that. He is using the OW to make him look the saint.......it won't last. When he loses in court she will no longer be of value to him. The fact that he wants you to move out and move her in shows no compassion or empathy for how you feel. No normal person would do that. Typical Narc. A Narc can put on any face he wants to get the result he needs. He can't keep that pretence up forever. The fact that she is treating you this way shows she is completely brainwashed and maybe not good for your son. How can she protect him? If she knows your ex's history and is still with him what does that say about her?

#8 Dec 15 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

JordansMom

I've seen Ns & Ps put on the act for YEARS... whatever it takes! who the heck told you 6months? I've seen karma take YEARS & YEARS!!! the karma bus never runs on the schedule we'd like. and hire yourself a TOUGH ATTORNEY so you don't have to deal with this CRAP! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#9 Dec 15 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

The Girlfriend ...

KARMA

DITTO the replies from Alfrebob and Barbara. From the outside looking in things are 'not as they appear'. As a victim of an N you must know that by now. Sometimes hurt feelings get in the way of seeing clearly...but eventually you KNOW this facade of his will NOT last...and she will be hurt someday very badly too. My N BF is so good at fooling others about who and what he REALLY is...it took a long time, and a microscope to figure him out. A serial cheater (you mention he has cheated with over 30 women) does NOT change his spots for anyone. He is acting 'perfectly sane and wonderful' because there is something to gain from it 'right now'...but later...you KNOW this poor new GF is in for a wealth of pain and damage. Narcisissts NEVER change or suffenly get 'healthy'. They are the best actors in the world. Consider his current 'good' behavior an award winning ACT! Because THAT is all it is. His mask WILL slip. Mine maintained the 'amazing wonderful loving and faithful BF' for a year...an ENTIRE year...but he was actually lying and cheating during the day while at work...and he was so wonderful I thought I had found bliss...and was completely unaware of what he was REALLY doing...and so was everyone else...we seemed like the most ideal couple you could imagine. I feel sorry for his new GF as she is in that oblivious state of mind where she thinks she hit the jackpot with the man of her dreams. Give it time...he will someday turn those dreams into a nightmare for her...just like he did for you. I am sure you do not wish that on anyone, as you know now what he is and how painful it is to know that he is not the man he pretended to be...and he is not the man she thinks he is either...it is just a matter of time and his 'mask' won't just slip...it will fall off with a huge crash! He will reveal his true colors soon enough!

#10 Dec 15 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

nhtmf

Jordansmom, unless you are

Jordansmom, unless you are with your X 24/7 then you don't really know what's going on. Did he fool you before when living under the same roof? Its happened to all of us. Imagine how he can fool you when living apart and having only short periods of time together. The OW? Don't ya know that she's heard a bunch of garbage about you? They are so good at smear campaigns. She probably is even encouraged to treat you badly by Xn. Hey, what a power trip that would be for him. I hated my Xn's X-wife. Never even met her. The things he told me were just terrible. Needless to say after 3 years I called and apologized to her for my own sanity. They live their Karma. Imagine being an empty shell, just walking around using others to feel emotions for you? So many of them would not be addicts(booze, drugs, sex or even the gym) if they were "right" in the head in the first place. Its not easy but hang in there. I'm rooting for ya!!!!!

#11 Dec 15 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

TexN (not verified)

JordansM

Hang in there, girl! Its coming! I totally agree with the other ladies...Its just a matter of time! And who knows, she might be pretending right along side of him that it is all good when it really isn't! My exN gf has hung in there & its been 6 months BUT, he only sees her part time. He works out of town & only sees her on Saturdays & Sundays. She hasn't had the opportunity to get a full dose of Narcissism yet!

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