Wonderful writer and speaker... and I commend your therapist's suggested reading!
The experience of listening to the CD's and reading his books gave me back my LIFE! It opened my eyes to how I create suffering in my relationships by reacting through my "pain-body." Therapist, or no therapist, pick up the book...THE POWER OF NOW by Eckhart Tolle and read it often.
There are people in my family who are Ekhart followers. Funny how my eldest sister said to me recently, "oh ya - mom was a textbook narcissit" -- I nearly hit the floor. Obviously, she's known this for a long time, didn't bother to enlighten anyone else...but she talks continually about the power of NOW and all of that stuff. She has brushed off our upbringing and the effects of it, and is into focusing more on oneself for answers to everything. It works for her - fine, but I always feel that his general message is that what happens to us is something we bring on ourselves.
I always feel that his general message is that what happens to us is something we bring on ourselves
Same here! BLECH!! like that obnoxious LAW OF ATTRACTION Bullsh*t.
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The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
Would you believe that is the term my Narc used to blame me for any physical ailments I had (he was familiar with the book or had maybe just seen the cover, lol). Of course they were caused by my being uptight and difficult, never his crazy-making behavior. My health declined significantly starting very early in that relationship and I seem to have permanent widespread pain.
have you been checked by a rheumatologist for fibromyalgia or adrenal fatigue?
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/11/03/your-medical-conditions-root-your-relationships
those conditions are suffered by a LOT of Narc victims.
~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
I have seen a rheumy but I don't believe he ruled out fibro or adrenal fatigue. He wanted to see how I'd do on the Vit D ttttt55555555555555r (oops - baby typing!) therapy - my Vit D levels were very low. Def. something is up. How is adrenal fatigue treated?
funny you mention Vitamin D deficiency. My endocrinologist just called me last week and said my latest bloods showed I have literally next to NONE in my system.
I have had fibro and atypical M.S. for 15 years
Complex PTSD for about 40 years
Clinical Depression for about 26 years
PCOS for 43 years
I did some web searches and found that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE things will SAP your Vitamin D. I started taking it and feel about 35% better!
I think you still need to be checked for fibro and adrenal fatigue.
http://www.bodyecology.com/07/03/22/adrenal_fatigue_symptoms.php
~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
the only thing that bothered me about the book... the BIG thing... was I came away feeling that it just reinforced the idea that "it's ALL in your head" - especially if your disability is invisible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aUjLiLiriA
Disability & Pain cause serious depression. Long term it adds to and/or creates PTSD
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10741582
I'd prefer to see you read something like:
THE BODY NEVER LIES by Alice Miller (great!!)
WHEN THE BODY SAYS NO by Dr. Gabor Mate
Sorry, but I get sick of the Tolle's, the Oprah's and so on with their "feel good" pop-psychology. Chronic Illness and Disability are very personal, traumatizing & ongoing experiences that can't be easily understood.
The fact your therapist recommended this screams to me he does NOT get it... he must think you have a "victim attitude" and is attributing the way your exN treated you to that! UGH!
~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
Interestingly enough, my N is a professor & reads a lot of psychology. He, too, was into this pain is "ALL IN YOUR HEAD." That is, he did nothing wrong. It was my reaction to what he did which caused me pain. What a mindf**k!
My parting shot to him was over our separation agreement. He was enraged that he could not have my present address. Sent really nasty e-mails about how UPSET he was that there was no trust between us & that I was disturbing the "tranquility" of his "separation." What an idiot! & the man is a professor at a major university! So I wrote back, remember your Byron Katie, that actions do not cause pain but our reactions to an act. He didn't like that. Caught at his own game. Heh! Heh! He goes to Byron Katie seminars & quotes from her work extensively--she's major into it's all in your head. I'm telling you, my N was really into mindf**k torture.
And I am with Barbara, if your therapist tells you to read that kind of stuff . . . then maybe s/he just doesn't quite get what it means to be caught in the web of a narcissist, or a pathological. Or simply, what PTSD means, or even empathy enough to understand that abuse frigging HURTS.
I read somewhere once on the web, a PhD in psychology with a clinical practice got snookered by a N. She wrote that she lived & suffered with him for 3 years before she "got it" that he was a narcissist! Mine has presently just started living with a psychiatrist whose speciality is the developement of BPD in children who have been severely abused! Written articles on the subject! I've read her articles. My N's new woman/psychiatrist does not understand that she's in love with a pathological personality. She'll get it one day.
I just read the last line of your post to me. I can see how the pain body is true for my XN who always talks about his past... i just dont know why he felt i should listen to this. Maybe, he feels Im addicted to drama based on my past with my N father. I dunno.
I cried a lot as a child...i guess it could have been absorbed from my parents. ugh
“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.â€
Thanks Barbara- I knew that you most likely would know this. I think my therapist was referring to Speaking of Faith. and how certain buttons are pushed to trigger the pain body within eachother and that makes us addicted to the drama or dwelling on the past.
I'm listening to a youtube thing on it now.
it seems like it is focusing on not letting the past influence your present.
“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.â€
in terms of addiction to the N --
you'd get a LOT MORE out of reading up on Trauma Bonding & Stockholm Syndrome...
and reading WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS.
being 'addicted to the drama' and 'dwelling in the past' is simply a covert way of saying "This is all YOUR fault for falling for a Narcissist..."
And you know what BULLPOCKY I think that is! don't EVEN go there, destiny.
~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
Maybe I am seeing the therapists point from a different angle...hmmm I thought he said that the pain body gets triggered in all of us...and then it starts seeking more and more drama (i think he was referring to the email wars that N and I would have) we would have a few good days and then the pain body would kick in for one of us and all heck would break loose.
but I see everyones view on this who have posted so far...there are so many ways to look at it.
would you compare this therapist suggesting this as someone suggesting the Secret to read?
I dont think he fully gets it either....i though he did when he said he felt my narc had a personality disorder.
Sometimes it feels like he thinks it should be easy for me to just back away....but it is tough when I was so used to one, narc coming back, two narc being my main support for my health and keeping me in the loop with treatments. Narc made himself my life. It was far from a normal relationship. and this is the first time I am seeing how cruel Narc is...cold etc....his mask was always on even after D&D..but not this time.
I think i need a new therapist...but not sure where to even start...I will ask him if he knows of anyone...he may.
“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.â€
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
ugh
quietude - same here
Ugh, don't get me started on this one
pain and narcs
I have seen a rheumy but I
itreallyisabouthim
destiny
All In Your Head
I just read the last line of
Thanks Barbara- I knew that
destiny
Maybe I am seeing the