When do you...

are with you L O N G after they are gone - i read that and boy is it true. Part of the reason they stay in our heads is because the relationship was NOT RIGHT, not healthy and not normal and we are left with so much to try to understand and sort out. I no longer think of him in the same way I once did; however part of what he did to me is still in my head - his sick behavior and what he used me for - you are 2 months out - I was still left feeling pretty damn destroyed at 2 months out - it took me a good 6 months to really disconnect from him and focus on ME - They take a long time to TOTALLY forget and I think that is based on the damage in ourselves that we need to fix from them, but once that damage starts to heal it gets easier - When they say 18 months as an average its for a reason - this was a very dangerous and destructive relationship and there is so much deep deep pain that needs to heal x0

I am 7 months out, and yes he still pops into my head now and again, but the difference between now and 7 months ago is that . I just don't give a crap! I do not get crazy thinking about all the crap he did or said, now it is just a thought and it leaves rather quickly. Kinds like not seeing someone for many years and just a quick thought about the person , but then you don't think about it anymore. POOF HE GONE!!! lol If you truly stay 100% NC things do absolutely get better, trust all that you are told here and do your work and wonderful things begin to happen.

I totally understand where you are with the obsessing. I am doing it too. I also am moving and in 4 days I have to go to his house and get all my things out. I rented a truck and bringing some friends for support. It's going to be excruciating to see him. I am just praying for strength to get through that day. I have good friends to fall on and will walk side by side through this. That's is my reality. Imagine we were at a Masquerade ball and there was a handsome prince dressed in the most beautiful costume.... Well when the Ball was over prince charming took off his costume and went about his business... We fell in love with the costume..... It's sad and hurts so much..... As hard as my move will be I know that once I pull away from his house, with a packed U-haul. There will be no looking back! Hang in there Hugs... P.

to know that you are being triggered by your move and the finality of the situation. It is over, and that is A GOOD THING!!! Just think of all the excitement of a new place, meeting new people, exploring new places opens up for you! You are thinking about him obsessively right now simply because you are opening this new chapter in your life and it does not include him. That's huge. And it's very good because what that means is the PAIN WILL STOP. The more distance you have the better it gets! This is a triggering situation and it will pass, believe me. 54 days NC is still early. Really it is. But you are doing the work and even taking some risks (moving) to open yourself up to the kind of life and love and relationships you desire...that is amazing, and also a little scary and triggering. Moving is also physically exhausting. When I'm tired it's a lot easier for me to feel weepy and sad and all of that. Try to go easy on yourself and realize that it's partially because you just MADE A HUGE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE AND it was hard work, too! Don't worry that you're a little obsessed right now. It's perfectly understandable. Acknowledge that this is what you are feeling and then try to let it go. It's okay. Let it go a zillion times if you have to. Say it outloud if it helps. Remind yourself that you are missing NOTHING but confusion, chaos, manipulation, lies, more confusion, self-doubt, constant anxiety, etc. etc. etc. What you think you are missing is not real. Remember to keep the reality goggles on. I keep them handy at all times...and I'm almost 16 months NC. I have a crisis right now and over the weekend I actually thought of the freak for quite some time. Instead of the "missing him" it was the "how dare he I want to get even" type thoughts. I felt them and then let them go. This is the first time I've had that kind of feeling in quite some time, and I know it is because whenever my life sucks I associate it with him because IT ALWAYS SUCKED when I was with him. Anxiety equalled Freak Boy. Well, I hope this helps some, LG. Keep kicking him out of your head. Keep reminding yourself of all the good things you are doing and why your move is such a great thing, and trust that you will be so happy you have done all of this and things will be just fine. They will! Hugs and try to get some rest. sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT, BUT I REFUSE TO SPIN FOR A MANIPULATIVE LIAR EVER AGAIN!