slumped again!!!!

you didn't mention if your solicitor is a man or a woman. Not all lawyers are good guys and they also have feelings. I wonder if your lawyer is afraid of him? Maybe the solicitor is abusing you by sending these violent letters. most lawyers would call his lawyer and set the game straight. If this nut is on probation for something take the letter to his probation officer. I don't know what can cause his probation order to be violated but maybe the letters are nasty enough. your lawyer should have done that also. Maybe the lawyer is waiting for the order to be signed but your ex has to sign it legally. I think your lawyer has some feeling about this guy and you should talk about it. there are a lot of shootings of lawyers in the US and many involve divorce cases. in a strange way your violent husband is trying to make your lawyer afraid also; that plane doesn't fly get this sorted. If you feel right about it get a new, very tough, male solicitor who won't take any of this. If you can find one try and find a solicitor who is an ex-cop. They do excellent police training in your country and an ex cop would sort this out quickly.

he does this to make you cry and abuse you from afar. Can your lawyer use the abusive letters as a reason to stop visitation until he takes a parenting course, sees a psychiatrist or whatever? How could you not be affected by written violence like that? there are children invovled, you have been through terrible trauma with years of abuse, and now he won't leave you alone. There is no way to stop him but there has to be a way that you can build your inner confidence and protect yourself from the negative emotions he triggers in you. you might want to talk to a woman police officer and see if she has any ideas on legally stopping him. women are more empathetic and they see these cases all the time and they know which tactics work and which ones don't work. You might also ask your solicitor not to forward the letters just tell you if you need to know anything. Be sure to get the drug test as you are proving him as a harasser who is too violent and abusive to be to be with your children. He is putting you on the defensive with those letters but he is also hanging himself. Look at the letters as something that might help you not hurt you. Don't get the letters stopped they are evidence about his mental and emotional condition.

Laws vary from region to region, & country to country. However, there is no legal action unless a person files a paper with the court. What he demands or does not demand in a letter is nothing. He has to petition the court & get his demands before a judge to make a decision. I'd ask your solicitor to read your husband's correspondance. If there's anything that requires action, then inform you. If there are just veiled threats, attempts to needle you . . . then put the letter in your file--you don't need to know. If he wants the court to review visitation, then he needs to file, drug testing--ditto (& make sure he gets tested too). I know everytime I got / get an e-mail, I would be flat out for days. Still caught in the web of the narcissist. It hurts & triggers flashbacks. He's trying to get to you & he does. No Contact means you need to get your solicitor to screen the letters & only bring you in on what is IMPORTANT.

I worked in the Domestic Violence sector in addition to living the life myself. It is so common for abusive and violent individuals to want to continue to control you even after the relationship has ended, and they will do it in the most unbelievable ways possible. I could tell you so many stories similar to your own and even more unbelieveable, however if you think about all you've read here, and you remember 'they feed off you', a bit like the school bully, if you give them what they want they come back for more, however if you rise above it eventually they might go away! It is hard when you have children because that gives him a reason to never go away completely, however if you allow yourself to be upset he is still controlling you,and still taking your energy, so read the letters, do what needs to be done, however make a pact with yourself that how ever hard it gets you will keep your dignity and rise above his childish games. If you are 'squeaky' clean he has nothing on you anyway and eventually he will look like an idiot. Remember the truth speaks for itself, it just may take a little longer than we hoped! I know it is hard, I know it hurts, I know it joins up the dots and takes you right back to the past and all the horrible things he did and the injustice of it all, however if you can start to take the emotion out of it and just deal with the facts and focus on your future, it does get easier. I can see you are part way there. You knew not to read the letter until you were in a better place, however what you could do next time (for added protection) is tell yourself what you are going to do after the event, that is after you have opened the letter. For example next time a letter arrives, promise yourself that after you have opened it, you'll go shopping, or have a bath, or go to the park with the kids. Anything other than focus on the letter! It might be you could say, 'ok I'm ready to read the letter, however I'm going to read it once, put it back in the envelope and take no action for at least three days' That might include not talking to a friend or even your solicitor for that time too. That way you can take action, rather than react to him! Remember he once pulled your strings, now you have more power than you think you have. You can't control his actions, however with practice (as you have already proved) you can control your reaction to his actions. Remember your aim is to act for yourself, not to react to him. Stay strong.

I'm not going to pretend to know much about how solicitors operate, but is your ex just sending these - (in my opinion, what amount to) - harassing letters and your solicitor has to forward them? Or is a representative for your ex sending them? It doesn't seem like all of these letters should get to you, and if he formally wants to go ahead with a legal process, you'll be 'served' properly through the right channels. It's odd that you should be getting this garbage continually, as I said, this just seems harassing to me. It would be great if you could slap him with a harassment suit, but again...I'm going off instinct here, not how it might actually work in your area??