Boundaries with self absorbed family

I wasn`t sure whether or not to make this post, since it is not directely Narc related, but there are some stuff that maybe can be identified, by others as well, related to Narcs, origins, disordered, and the weird subject - relationship with their mothers.

I believe my father is sort of a Narc. He is definetly disordered, but he doesn`t have all the symptoms of a classic Narc, the part with the cheating, pain, maddona-whore complex, though. But it has enough N traits.

One of them, and the reason why I feel the need to vent and space out these thoughts today, is his weird relationship with his mother, my grandmother. It is too close, dependent for a normal individual, to talk with his mother on the phone over 50 times/per day. That happened all over 20 years of my life, when I was living at `home`.

Now, since my grandfather has passed, he moved with his mother to take care of her. Because she is well sick, in a way, and cannot stand to be alone without her "boy" for one minute..it`s really sad and upsetting to watch. And there is a lot of tension and unsaid things..

Now that he is no longer talking to the phone with her all day, he continuously messages and phones me and it is upsetting. I put boundaries, and explained my limits, that it`s "too much" for me.

And speaking of guilt trips, and disordered ones!..

I am with them 100%, because between two evils (my mother and him) you gotta choose the less evil one. At least financially, because emotionally I no longer expect anything from my parents, they are both self absorbed.

BUT I cannot let them destroy me more than they arleady have until now. Family or no family, if someone is `crossing the lines` and becomes toxic and too much, you have to protect yourself and put boundaries.

And I believe this is another `root` of my guilt trips, that shows in my relationships with Narc men. This desire to come back, and "fix" the disordered ones.

The last message I sent to my father explaining what bothers me, in a polite but firm way of course. And told him to wish me good luck in my future searches for a job.

And I received back later a message from him where all he could talk to was his person, about how indignated he seem about my "rules" of talking. And I couldn`t help but think about the title of this forum "It`s all about him".

My father may not be a Narc in the true classical way with women exchanges and stuff like that, but you know, you have to protect yourself as you can and put boundaries.

I can`t let them destroy me more than they arleady have.

Judging after what destructive role models I had, you get used to `that` and may be tempted to think "well, this is all I`ll ever have, at least it`s better than nothing."

We get so used to receive only crumbs, and sometimes not even that, and we think this is all we`ll ever worth. Is it any wonder that we keep searching for the same crumbs, even if we had met maybe other types of men/people, who were offering us a full plate?..

I believe that first we have to learn to give to ourselfs, and grow a relationship with ourselfs, a HEALTHY one as much as possible. Put boundaries wherever and whenever it feels necessary, and hang in there, in your life even if now is poor, small and little.

As it is, it is ours. Let`s not let them take it away from us.

May you have a peaceful and blessed day, and thank you for letting me get this stuff out today! And for taking the time to read these lines.

Peace,

xx