Really????

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#1 Feb 1 - 10AM

Phoenix72

Really????

So before I had the chance to discard him, he discarded me. Sent me a text stating that he couldn't do this anymore, meaning me not adoring and admiring him, and that saying that we both know it's done. I only replied with "ok". He sent another text saying that he hoped we could be friends and be cool. At that point, I called the phone company and blocked his number. Apparently, he had text me again and got an autoreply because he sent me an email stating that blocking his number was not necessary cause he wouldn't call/text me again. I have not/will not reply. I will count tomorrow as NC day 1. I haven't chased after him in a long time and have been real distant from him, not saying really anything to him.

Question though...Do they offer friendship when they d & d you? Or is he offering friendship in hopes that I, NS, will be around when he isn't getting what he needs from what he's chasing after now? According to Dr. Vakin:

"The narcissist acts civil only towards potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If your narcissist believes that you may supply him in the future - he will not devalue and discard you and will make the separation as courteous as possible. If he judges you to be "useless" as far as future Narcissistic Supply goes - he will likely dump you, discard, devalue and even purposefully hurt you in the process."

#2 Feb 1 - 2PM

Sparrow

Sam Vaknin is 100% correct in

Sam Vaknin is 100% correct in that statement. Your N is leaving you on the hook for future supply. Mine did the same thing. Once he discovered that his present supply could be facing death, from a terminal disease, he was hoovering all over trying to get back into my life to secure supply if and when needed. It's what they do. Great job blocking him. Block him from email as well. If it means closing that account and opening a new one. You are catching on quickly. Nice going! :)

#3 Feb 1 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Phoenix72

It's just weird because every

It's just weird because every other time, which is practically weekly, he cusses me out via text or phone and breaks up with me. This time it was a text and emails without the verbal abuse.

#4 Feb 1 - 12PM

Run4it

Predictability of NPD

The predictability of sick behaviour in these individuals is amazing! I think they would be aghast if they knew just how easy they really are to figure out, once you understand the disorder. Nothing "special" about that! My psycho went on and on about how he would never regret the time we spent together and how he wanted me to be happy and have the best. He has tried to be "nice" and "speak" to me on the few occasions that I have run into him, unless the OW is with him, then they both drop their heads and hide. They are not friendship material. The OW was his friend's wife that he cheated with and then she divorced. That is the kind of friend a NARC is.

#5 Feb 1 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

Phoenix72

That's funny cause I have

That's funny cause I have told him several times before that he is more predictable than my period! lmao!!! And I know what it's like to run into him with the OW. He did that back in August of last year. When we were broken up, he and OW (which is an alcoholic like he is) were at a bar that I was at. I was sitting there with a guy friend that I knew having a drink. This assclown stares at me the entire time and comes over to speak to me after my friend left the table to go to the bar to get another drink. He was trying to play cool and saying that he hoped we could be friends. I tried to play cool because we were in public, but I told him to get the hell out of my face. When I got up to leave, he and her just downed their heads and I could tell they were afraid of me. They should've been! Of course the next morning he had sent me a text wanting to me to go have breakfast with him, I ignored. But, like an idiot, got back with him a week later.

#6 Feb 1 - 11AM

peaches

Yup

That's how it was for me. He D&D me then offered to help whenever I needed anything. I was going through cancer treatment and a divorce, setting up a new house hold after loosing everything. So, of course I needed help! duh! And in addition I now had a broken heart and spirit. But, I did ask for help and he either gave it and then more d&d or he said he couldn't help becuase he was busy with new supply. Ouch! Then the nasty cycle turned into me asking for help so that I could get the upper hand and d&d him leading me to think I am a n. Which is not the case. I was trying to protect myself and get closure-better known as revenge. The only closure I have succeeded in is nc. It is the way to go. I think it totally rocks that you blocked him after 2 texts!! Way to go! Because he can say he won't contact you, but obviously he would since he emailed. My experience was he would say that and then text again 2minutes later. I waited far too long to block him. Keep up the good work! Best Wishes in your recovery! Peaches

#7 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #8)

Phoenix72

Peaches, I was planning my d

Peaches, I was planning my d & d for him for revenge, dose of his own medicine, etc. but that didn't pan out. But at this point, I really don't care who did it to who first. Bottom line, he's out of my life! I'm just hoping that I've heard the last of him! And him telling me that blocking him wouldn't be necessary AFTER he hoped we could be friends! What a psycho!!!

#8 Feb 1 - 10AM

spinning

Phoenix, he acted in a

textbook fashion. You were pulling away...he saw you were onto him so he had to D & D you before you could break up with him. TEXTBOOK TEXTBOOK TEXTBOOK. And to answer your question, Vanknin is right. But don't dwell on it. You know it's impossible to be "friends" with a disordered one as he has never been your "friend" in the first place. Every word out of their mouths is some sort of manipulation. Let it go. It means nothing. I am glad you blocked and are committed to NC. We will help you every step of the way. Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

spinning

#9 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

Phoenix72

Oh I'm not going to be

Oh I'm not going to be friends with him in no way!!! You are right, if he never was my "friend". Why start now?? lol He just sent me another message on fb, we are not friends on fb, saying to leave it alone and to never contact him again. Really?? Well, that's another avenue of communication that I have to block! Geez! I guess I was asking about the d & d since he wasn't verbally abusive like he normally is when he's broke up with me majority of the times before.

#10 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

midnight7

Hi Phoenix, yes, Ns only

Hi Phoenix, yes, Ns only offer friendship to keep supply lines open for the future. Though he may not have been overtly abusive this time, he was devaluing via fb though - the way he phrased his message 'to leave it alone and to never contact him again' puts in a way that sounds as if you were his problem - my xN was always trying to make every woman he'd had a relationship with sound like the disordered one - they are absolutely evil. Glad you have escaped and NC!

#11 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

Lisa87

Spinning is right on the

Spinning is right on the money. Do not be friends, can't be done, I tried it and after a while it didn't sit well with him cause he could not control me. That's when the major luring starting again, professing his love, bla bla bla. The space away from him allowed me to research and read and try to remember all the bad. The only people they can be friends with are people with no attachments to them. If you were in a relationship with a narc, friendship is not an option. They need you for supply and will stop at nothing to get it. Doesn't matter if you discarded him or he D&D'd you. Continue to read and work on yourself to heal from their toxic spewing, don't waste another minute on a narc, it will only burn you more.

#12 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

Phoenix72

OMG!!! He just sent me

OMG!!! He just sent me another email, to a different email address that I didn't know he had of mine!!! Talking about how wonderful his exgf's were and how much he adored them and how smart they were! Really???? Funny how NONE of them will talk to him now! lol I've actually seen some of the texts that he has sent them when I went through his phone a long time ago. They either cussed him out for contacting them or ignored him! lmao

#13 Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

spinning

Phoenix, again, he is behaving

in a TEXTBOOK FASHION. Welcome to the world of D & D. You are getting D & D'd on facebook! If it weren't so pathetic it would almost be funny! See what happened when you changed the script? He had to bail. They have to, they have no choice. This is a great example of their disorder...so I guess he's good at something (being really disordered, that is...lolol) Stay strong. NO CONTACT. NO RESPONSE. NOTHING. SILENCE = F'YOU. We are here for you Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT

spinning

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