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Duped

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#1 Jan 31 - 9AM
LucyInthesky
LucyInthesky's picture

Duped

To look at it another way, is there a chance my N isn't really a narcissist if he is seeking help? I've often though he could be bipolar. He does have emotions, cries at sad films for instance. Maybe he has some N traits but not a full-blown PD? or am I being duped??

Jan 31 - 11PM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

oh and I might add

That the one thing that tripped me up that I thought he couldnt be was that he did spiritual work all the time. I thought if he is getting help he must not be. This month he has gone to life trainings that teach you to live life with integrity, its what the seminars are all about. He has signed up for yoga and buys all his food at a health food store. and is going to lead the weekly support groups. He also has not paid a dime for child support, is getting his car repossed tomorrow and getting evicted from his apt for not paying. So see they are not ok
Feb 1 - 8AM (Reply to #12)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

NMD

He joins these groups fir the same reason these guys go to on lone dating sites.. They are the best place to find supply.. Is he still riding the bus?? Hunter
Jan 31 - 10PM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

I could have written this

Thanks for your comments. I haven't posted my story yet as I've just found this site and well We were together around 15 yrs and still in contact so story is very long! I sometimes Wonder if I just remember the bad stuff because he left me and so I have to make him out to be an ogre so I feel better about not having what I haven't got, him. Also we have a child and I've invested so much time an effort into our relationship it seems so harsh to discard him and such a waste. I was married for 14 2 kids and wanted to save it him me whatever, it just kept going downhill. I think the x is a sociopath, bipolar something. When i read your story the x seems like he wasnt so bad. How have you lowered your standard to what to see past him seeing a prostitute? By the end, I accepted things i said I never would. I may be of a diffrent opinion but I think in our own way we do have to kinda diagnose them, I know for me I had to to make sense of it all. But in the end the most important thing is to see what they are doing and ask yourself, is this what I really want? I promise you, a little time away and you will start to see just how crazy it all is
Jan 31 - 11AM
LucyInthesky
LucyInthesky's picture

Am alcoholic and he has been

Am alcoholic and he has been attending aa meetings for a year or ao withuch improved behaviour. He says that alcohol blotted out his conscience etc. I never would have called him an alcoholic. He drank and would occasionally have too much but not enough to affect a normal persons behaviour. Or perhaps it does, maybe I'm not giving him credit for confronting what he perceives as his problem?
Jan 31 - 11AM
LucyInthesky
LucyInthesky's picture

And I know i sound pathetic

And I know i sound pathetic and is if I'm making excuses but I really don't know what's right or wrong any more. Maybe if I toughened up then he wouldn't use N tactics as they wouldn't control me and then we would be ok as he would have to learn to act like a grown up. Is that really not possible? In brief, he is v charming, intelligent, funny, exciting but critical, lies for attention, moody. We split when He walked out one day then I discovered he was seeing a prostitute, attending sm fetish clubs. Now he says he was an alcoholic and
Jan 31 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
midnight7
midnight7's picture

What you seem to be saying is

What you seem to be saying is if you change perhaps he wouldn't be a controlling, manipulative, lying, promiscuous, miserable, drunk, man-child with p*** poor impulse control who could give you a STD? If you need to change for anyone, and that makes you feel really uncomfortable, then leave. If they are an abuser/user, and have zero ability to change (ie they are a N) - leave. Black and white thinking is generally not good but you do know that you feel unhappy, anxious, uncertain, confused, and are in pain generally and he is the cause - no relationship should feel like this. Ns can turn on the charm at will, many appear intelligent - they are all chameleons and can pretend to be anything for their own benefit - but every day with them is hell, complete hell. Knowledge, reading, the forum, run, do not look back, go NC and reclaim your freedom. Everyone here is behind you.
Jan 31 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
kartaga
kartaga's picture

i love your comment "many

i love your comment "many appear intelligent". so funny...
Jan 31 - 11AM
LucyInthesky
LucyInthesky's picture

Thanks for your comments. I

Thanks for your comments. I haven't posted my story yet as I've just found this site and well We were together around 15 yrs and still in contact so story is very long! I sometimes Wonder if I just remember the bad stuff because he left me and so I have to make him out to be an ogre so I feel better about not having what I haven't got, him. Also we have a child and I've invested so much time an effort into our relationship it seems so harsh to discard him and such a waste.
Jan 31 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

If your here something is

If your here something is wrong with him.. It's not your job to diagnose him..read up on cluster B It about making a decision to stay in a toxic relationship or not .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmLVUSQydR8&feature=youtube_gdata_player http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzLFSCzUzNA&feature=youtube_gdata_player Hunter
Jan 31 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Lucy, whether is is NPD or

Lucy, whether he is NPD or BPD doesn't really make much of a difference. They are both disorders, which makes these men toxic and impossible to have a normal relationship with. Bipolars can be medicated, but rarely do they stick with it. Otherwise, the two disorders have very many similarities.
Jan 31 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Lucy, I posted this on your other

thread but thought I'd reiterate it here for your consideration. I hope it helps you some. I know the chaos and inner-turmoil you are feeling. I have been there. Here's what I ultimately learned: If you are involved with someone who has you questioning like this, what is it that you are clinging to? This confusion will not go away any time soon if you continue to interact with this person. It doesn't matter what the diagnosis is, what matters is that the "relationship" has you twisted up in knots and has landed you here. In my experience, this will not change. If you want to choose to continue, these feelings of confusion will not go away...it is part and parcel of being involved with a disordered person. It wouldn't matter what the answer is to your question above. The mere fact that you have to ask it tells me that this is not a good relationship for you. Loving someone should not be so confounding and confusing and PAINFUL. Please read, read, read. The answers will present themselves when you are ready to receive them. Sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE ME

spinning

Jan 31 - 9AM
kartaga
kartaga's picture

my ex was involved in

my ex was involved in humanitarian organisation. always helped others. has a disabled friend that he takes care of. and a lot of other things. its the image he wanted for others to see. bull-shit. he isnt capable of real emotions.