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Why do I need validation from HIM??

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#1 Jan 30 - 12PM
Dee30
Dee30's picture

Why do I need validation from HIM??

Why is it that I need him to validate my worth. It's always been him that I need his approval from. No matter what. I meet nice guys that think I'm a wonderful, great person. What do I do? I just brush it off. It's like I crave what he thinks about me. It's if only he approved of me that I would feel fine. Some days I feel soo disgusted with myself that I need anyone to determine my self-worth. I guess because I'm not convinced of my own worth. I just frustrate myself, that I constantly care what he thinks of me..why am I like this?

Jan 30 - 2PM
aquabella
aquabella's picture

I think it was Hunter that

I think it was Hunter that posted this link last night. It speaks in great detail to the questions you've posed. http://gettinbetter.com/needlove.html xoxo Lynn
Jan 30 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

this is a wonderfullll article thank you

wow..love this article. touches me greatly, thank you Lynn and Hunter
Jan 30 - 1PM
Alissa
Alissa's picture

I know what you mean...

I know what you mean... that's how I feel too :(
Jan 30 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

you will find the answers to

you will find the answers to that question through therapy and self exploration. We, empaths, tend to lean towards toxic people, because we want to make a difference in their lifes, we want to be that one person that can change them, heal them, convince them that there is nothing to be afraid of. Wouldn't that validate us? Of course. Good luck with your therapist! I believe you will learn so much about yourself and this will truly help you in your healing! Stay strong!
Jan 30 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You believed a lie.. He never

You believed a lie.. He never validated you before what makes you think you'll get it now? How is thearpy going? Hunter
Jan 30 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

Hey Hunter

It's going okay. well I just had one session so far. Going to have another appointment next week. she seems like a nice lady she has her phD in psychology and knows about personality disorders. She just got to know me in first session, took history and such. I know he never validated me before, but still makes me cringe when I know he's sick, but yet I always wondered even throughout our relationship I had to get his approval. even my friends got annoyed with me that I constantly needed his approval.
Jan 30 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I don't usually say much

I don't usually say much about the Dog Whisperer anymore.. Why because it's a waste of time.. But today I'm here to tell you.. He validated he loved me every day.. He treated me with respect and was always a gentelman.. Always.. And do you know why ? because he needed to.. It was the only way to assure I'd stick around .. It was his only way to get in my head.. The last time I saw him he asked me to stay.. I Needed to settle my affairs before taking the next step.. He know how I operate.. It took him a year of research.. So I left, Happy and content.. Then Wham,Bham, look out batman.. The Silent Treatment... Then insulting conversations.. (Only three.. ) because I told him I will never speak to him again! The one comment I will never forget ( and I'm sure he designed it as such ) " you thought we were in a relationship" So my point.. Validation?? Is it really necessary ? No.. He's a freak living a life of insanity.. Silence to him is my validation.. He can drink himself silly, screw himself silly, enjoy his dog and him mommy.. Why?? Because I don't care.. He's a disgusting creature..and I don't associate my self with such garbage.. What he did to me is not ok ..And my silence to him says it all.. Hunter
Jan 30 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

I'm waiting for that day Hunter that I can become that strong..

You know Hunter slowly every day it becomes more clearer and clearer why the way I am. and why I need to "fix" these broken men because it somehow would validate me. I wish to be at that point to when I don't care. I am still NC but its hard some days I want to swear and curse how can he not need me or want me? I'm trying though Hunter..
Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

The question you should be

The question you should be asking yourself .. Is why is he such a prize?? I just walk around talking to myself .. I'm the only one that wants to listen to it anyway.. And even I'm tried of him.. I just told Narc72.. The more you learn out them the more disgusting they become.. If someone else wants the Dog Whisperer they can have him.. I hope they know he comes along with Mom and the dog.. Hunter
Jan 30 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Fearless
Fearless's picture

Cant Wait!

I can not wait until I can FULLY have this attitude towards the a-hole piece of garbage, dark hearted, empty souled, MF, that stole 7 years of my life from me. And I can't wait until I totally forgive myself for ignoring the red flags and allowng him to do this. Love ya Hunter!

FeFe

Jan 30 - 12PM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

I think...

Now I am racking my brains here..maybe one of the more read members can help..but your post made me think of trauma bonding.