Wanted to know

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 27 - 1PM

needing2know

Wanted to know

I have had 7 narcs in my life (3 ex's) and 4 family members, they have all tried to come back into my life at one point or another, first 2 ex husbands are still annoying ( I have kids with them ) but what I wanted to know and cannot find anything on Google or anywhere else is this..

Do they ever just go away and never contact again? Is there ant studies that show these people go away and stay away? By not finding anything I am guessing anyone that has been with a narc/npd whatever, they come back , is there any studies that show they don't?? Was just wondering. Because I hope there are some LUCKY ones out there that didn't ever have the nightmare of them coming back. Kinda like you never hear stories of people going back to the narc and living happily ever after.

#2 Jan 28 - 9AM

IncognitoBurrito

Collectibles

They're never gone for good, unless we take measures to ensure it for ourselves. Even then, sometimes they sneak through the filters. Which can set us back, if we aren't diligent. Ns always come back to use their "tools." We're in the glass menagerie, until we humanize ourselves, and go completely NC. Even when we're gone, they're still using us! They will use our NC as reason to throw the perfect pity party, in order to ensnare the next Rescuer into their web. The Sob Story Wah-Wah. It's all the same game they've been playing for years. One fraud, rolling over into the next. I imagine it's trickier to go NC with children between you. Unless, he is already absent in their lives? Then he might as well stay gone! Watch that exN doesn't use your kids as pawns in the future, to get to you, or get new supply. Protect them the best you can, when N returns.

#3 Jan 27 - 3PM

janemarie

I thought I read somewhere

I thought I read somewhere that if they feel they have no absolute chance with you or they feel threatend (if police was involved) then they leave you alone.... NC would show them they have no chance with you...but then again if they are out of supply...why wouldnt they try just one more time???? I guess it depends on how deranged and severely disorded they are!!

#4 Jan 27 - 2PM

midnight7

I've read (can't remember

I've read (can't remember where) that the N's sense of entitlement and their superiority complex render them unable to comprehend their connection to you could possibly be completely finished. They believe they have the right to come back as/when even if it all ended dreadfully - they really don't care. Getting their needs met is all they are interested in and they will chance coming back, partly just to see if they can (ego), to assess if supply is available again. NC is the only way to make sure the drive-by is swift.

#5 Jan 27 - 1PM

Hunter

ThEy go away by ignoring them

ThEy go away by ignoring them even if they do return.. Mine was gone for 20 yrs ..but yes returned. Narc number one gone for two, then six, then two and two years.. This Christmas was his return.. I deleted and havnt head a peep.. But boy did I want to tell him where to go.. So yes they go away when you don't answer.. Hunter

#6 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

needing2know

Hunter

i am talking about if you dumped them or they D&D'd you, no hoovers no nothing, just gone, never to be heard from again. i know if they hoover and try to contact you ignore and yes they will go away , but I am talking about them just going away and never contact again.

#7 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Hunter

I have made no contact .. For

I have made no contact .. For 20 yrs.. And same for the time in-between narc #1 zero communication narc 1 always re surfaces.. They always come back around that's why you can't find any info.. Hunter

#8 Jan 27 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

juliamarie

I miss the good ole days

Before cell phones and internet, I bet it was much more difficult for these idiots to resurface. I miss the days when you could just change your number...done.

#9 Jan 28 - 3AM (Reply to #14)

midnight7

You can just change your number

I changed my numbers-landline, mobile, and email address, blocked him from the new details also. I notified most people of the change in one group email. I keep a low profile on the internet - never use my full surname or take a username (xN loved to stalk old/new supply this way). Gave instructions to family/friends to refuse requests for details. 25 minutes start to finish, a minor inconvenience for complete peace of mind. Even in this day and age, you can disappear off the face of the planet - if you really want to.

#10 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

needing2know

Just wondered , your right,

Just wondered , your right, thats why you can't find anything on the subject lol just like you can't find happy ending lol

#11 Jan 27 - 1PM

Used

needing2know

I shouldnt think there are studies about them coming back... LIKE YOU 6/7 THAT I CAN THINK OF ALL TRY TO COME BACK.....BUT...DRUMROLL....SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE I HAVE EVER KNOWN...EVEN IF THE ENDING WAS A YUK ENDING.....PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN HAS TRIED TO COME BACK...

#12 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

needing2know

Used

I have had healthy dating before the narcs, and even though we parted on really good terms, I have never heard from them again. We moved on with our lives and we respect each others boundaries and do not interfere with anything. There is no hate or anything, if we ran into each other later in life we would be on good terms. But There is no studies on the happily ever after if you took a narc back because we know it is not possible, just wanted to know id after a D&D whether we did or or they did, if they ever just went away with no hoovers no nothing.

#13 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Used

needing2know

well as myexh and exn were the only major r/s i have ever had......plus I was the one that divorced exh, and dropped narc....I stayed friends with exh cos he asked me to....BIG MISTAKE...exn I dropped and he has never gone away....exh, i finally dropped for good 2 years ago...he asks our kids how i am....He told one of our kids he was going to pop round some time ago....i said tell him no..... so in away I suppose I am not the one to answer this......

#14 Jan 27 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

needing2know

used

I know you cannot have a "friendship" with them , I don't even try. All of the narcs in my life have made contact and continue no matter how much of a bitch i have been. My kids have been told if they run into the current one and he asks anything about me or if his kids do , they are to just say "that's classified lol" Or tell them I died lol

#15 Jan 27 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

nomasnomas

Just Friends

I would like to know everyone's thoughts on this - My Narc has expressed wanting to be just friends - what kind of crap is this? we spent a year together sleeping every night, cuddling I shared all of his life - ( I was the one going to him ) I would pack a bag and then pack a bag to bring home - my car looked like a closet! It has been two weeks - and I feel depleted - I am slowly getting back my life - I mean little things - today I washed my clothes at my apartment - He sent an email on Tuesday saying how about a movie this weekend? I did not respond. Today I got a call ( I did not answer ) saying how about a movie on Saturday and if that does not work on Sunday - what is wrong with this man? I am grieving him, my body aches - I am moving in slow motion ...how does he expect me to sit next to him like a starnger and see a movie? I thought of texting him I will not see a movie - but I am scarred that will set me back - what do I do? just not respond? Please help let me know what you think NoMasNoMas

#16 Jan 27 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

needing2know

nomasnomas

My ex told me he wanted to be friends too, he told me he never really wanted me out of his life and that he would be missing out on so much, I told him we will under no circumstances be friends ever, I told him he would never see or hear from me again and I meant it!! I have been NC for 6 months I always went after him, but I meant what I said this time. They just want to be friends so they can have their booty call without any kinda commitment to it. And to keep track of you and your life.

#17 Jan 27 - 3PM (Reply to #7)

Used

nomasnomas

By asking you to be friends...What he is saying is.....you can do exactly the same as when you were together....sex , movies, you doing washing and chores even....* whatever* BUT YOU ARE NOT HIS G/F ANYMORE AND THATS WHAT HE WILL SAY TO YOU, AFTER YOU FIND OUT HE HAS A DATE ONE NIGHT....WE ARE NOT TOGETHER WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS , YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO NOW...SO WHAT WE JUST HAD SEX YOU WANTED IT AS WELL....I CANNOT HELP THAT WOMEN GET EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED WITH SEX AND MEN DO NOT.... I HOPE YOU GET THE PICTURE...NMNM ITS ALL ABOUT HIM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE....

#18 Jan 27 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

midnight7

Please stay NC - it is vital.

Please stay NC - it is vital. What could someone who has been abusive and attempted to destroy you possibly offer as a friend? It's impossible to be friends with evil. He is only interested in his own needs. He doesn't care how you are feeling, he doesn't feel anything for you. This is cynical manipulation. He is attempting to keep the supply lines open and this will cause you untold harm. Never let them back for any reason.

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