The last post.

Hi, I hope you are going to be okay. I have read a few of your posts...infact you responded to me a few times and I remember thinking what a sweet compassionate person you are. It almost sounds like life is losing some of its meaning for you? Like nothing makes sense or is worth it anymore? I don't know what happened but I'm sorry you're going through this. I know life can be very mean sometimes.... God loves you and he created you for a purpose. You are much, much more special than the way you've been treated.

I get everything you just wrote. People do things they would have been absolutely sure they wouldn't do when they've come to the end of their rope. Life isn't as black and white as it was before, there are grey areas. Living without love can push you to areas you would have never thought about before. Sorry things seem to be falling apart right now. In bad times I like to think of something Jackie O said, "and this too shall pass." And it shall.

Bgirl Im not sure exactly what happened but Im so sorry your feelings were hurt on this forum. No one here really "knows" you and your situation, so they definitely shouldnt be passing any judgment. This forum is about support. I loved reading your posts and your feedback, and we'll all be so happy to welcome you back if you decide to keep posting again. Whether you stay or go I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope you can continue on the road to recovering from everything that you went through. You seem like a a great person, we'll miss having you here. Hugs!! xo

Saying this is your last post is a black/white decision. Why not just say you don't feel like posting anymore, and realize that tomorrow you may feel differently, and that you are always welcome here. Feelings are feelings, and I notice they don't kill me. The actions I take based on my feelings sometimes kick my ass big time. I try to be less impulsive, and understand that many issues that come into my mind don't require any action on my part at all. I usually just want to react to make the feeling go away. But when I stay still and wait it out, the feeling usually dissipates all of its own accord. "Be still and do nothing" can be sound advice when we are feeling as if we are in a shit storm of misery. Living in the past and future keeps us a prisoner. Tell yourself a new story about yourself. Like maybe a story about how you survived abuse from others and a few bad decisions by you, and that you have decided to grow and heal the hurt and pain. Keep reading here and post when you want. ds

Hey bgirl, I have read several of your posts and I can relate to exactly how you are feeling. But you know what I have realized over the past few weeks? I am in control of me...period. I am going to do what I believe is right and frankly I dont give a crap about what anyone else thinks or says. If I feel like crying, Im going to cry, if I feel like eating a gallon of ice cream Im going to eat it. If I choose to put him out of my head and focus on me then thats what I am going to do. If someone else doesnt like my views or choices thats on them. As long as I am doing my best and have a clear concience I dont really care what others say and think. They are entitled to their opinion but it wont effect mine. Hang in there. Be good to yourself and true to yourself. Its about you now and being the best you can be for you and your kids. No one else can walk in your shoes so they dont know your views. Hugs to you. Coffee

Bgirl, i hope ur ok and please stay on this forum. Dont let one post make u leave, u r doing so well. lots of lv.xxxx

"I have learned two very valuable lessons: “No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. It's very easy to judge someone else's actions by what you assume your own would be, if you were in their shoes. But we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.” And 'Hate is a thing, a feeling, that can only exist where there is no understanding.'" Bgirl I completely identify with how you are feeling. And I too personally believe that we should not judge others; for we never know what it is truly like to be in another's shoes. I do not know the entire story, but I can say that you should feel you are in a safe place to open up on this forum. Sometimes people who have open wounds will say and do things that make others' open wounds sting. We've all got a story to tell and we should pass no judgement on others and how they came to be in a situation. What matters is the initiative to heal and move forwards. This forum should serve that purpose and no other. I hope you do not let whatever happened win over you. But instead stick around and know that your feelings, your story, your heart, your love, all of you, everything you've been through is valuable. You are heard. Please stay.

Bgirl, I am so sad and disappointed that you have decided to not post on the forum any longer. Yours was one of the first stories I read that truly touched me. You're honest, real, and introspective...someone I would want to know. Your posts are always compassionate, heartfelt, and intelligent. As an OW myself, there are certain threads on the site that I just cannot open because of their title, or the direction they seem to be going. I choose not to look because I'm doing a pretty damn good job of self-flagellation, and don't really need help there. The forum certainly isn't the end-all be-all, but it is one weapon in our arsenal in a fight that requires all hands on deck. Please don't let someone else's failure to recognize how their comments would pour salt in your wounds make you give up this valuable tool you've discovered. I have been PM'd by several OW, and we are able to support each other privately, without the risk of harsh judgment that we're just too fragile to take right now. If you are interested in connecting with us, please PM me. xoxo Lynn

Don't go. Don't know the whole story here, but just don't go. Hurt people hurt other people. You are hurting. She is hurting. Just don't go. We cannot afford to give up on ourselves.

Response from you that your feelings were deeply hurt by a poster who is also deeply hurt that her man cheated on her. BOTH of you are deeply hurt and wounded by the same type of man and SEE how they CONTINUE to affect us LONG after they are gone. BOTH women, you and the other poster, are ALLOWING the narc to still have control over your present life. Although we all have similar stories on here and I would hope that we would be more tolerant of differences, you are completely right, no one has "walked in your shoes" and most on here do not even know your complete story or do we know theirs. I fully understand both sides of this. You were honest with your family and you were honest with the narc and you got screwed on many levels and then come on here and feel like you are getting reinjured when all you are trying to do it face your situation, come clean, makes sense out of it, recover, heal and get your life on track. The other poster has come on here to do the same. She was cheated on and is devasted by her situation as well and is feeling betrayed, lied to, hurt, and angry that not only did her mate cheat on her, and on some level there is a feeling that the OW screwed her as well. This is going to make for the TWO people in both roles to be coming from the opposite poles of the SAME situation with the PD. ONE was screwed by the narc as primary supply and ONE was screwed by the narc as secondary supply. This is NOT a moral issue on here. WE decided this a long time ago. WE DO NOT pass judgement on WHAT brought a member here and WHY and WHAT they did with the PD and WHAT their ROLES were. This is NOT our business or concern. OUR PRIMARY concern here on THE PATH FORWARD is to create a SAFE HEALING environment where ALL parties are able to LEARN, GET IT OUT, WAKE UP, GET REAL, HEAL, and RECOVER from the devastating affects of ANY relationship with a PD. BGIRL we live in a world filled with opinions, judgements, and misunderstandings. It is ONLY when we are taken down into the depths of HELL that we come to reallize that we are all in this together and passing judgement becomes a complete waste of time and we learn to LOVE all our sisters and brothers in recovery because we learn that the PD's are the great liars, manipulators, and cons, who could potentially SUCK THE POPE into breaking celebacy. Maybe that is not a good example but the point is that they LOVE LOVE LOVE to suck married people out of their unions, they actually get a high off of doing this. I have seen this hundreds of times on here. They also LOVE LOVE LOVE to create triangles where the OW are cat fighting over them. NO ONE WANTS to be the OW, wants to be cheated on, wants to be lied to, BUT it happened to ALL of us. WE ARE ALL doing the best we can on here and perhaps WE WILL ALL think twice now about letting these preditors screw with our lives and the lives of others moving forward. FOR NOW it is what it is and what is done is done. PLEASE let's just all learn and grow from this and try not to pass judgement on each other. THE PD's have done enough of that for all of us. IF YOU DON"T like a post or you are triggered by a post, get off of that post, PM a moderator, sort our your feelings and just leave that poster alone to recover in PEACE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not go, BGIRL, you are a great wonderful loving member of this forum. WE DO LOVE you and want the best for you and you have done nothing but be loving, honest, and caring to all of our members. Can you try to find a way to move on from this and understand that other posters are going to be hurt and angry because they ALSO were lied to and cheated on and they ALSO are in a tremendous degree of pain and sorrow. Don't allow ONE comment which has nothing really to do with you, it is the pain of another women also deeply wounded and tramatized by this horrific ordeal with their PD, to cause you to leave. We value you and your contributions to our community. God bless ALL of us, Goldie

I am so sorry you feel this way about yourself, b/c you were takin in by a predator.... No one here is judging you, we have all been taking in by a predator otherwise we wouldnt be here... The thing is every person has diffrent stories and diffrent views, it doesnt mean it is directed at you... if you have been upset or hurt on here, it wasent on purpose, b/c as mods we look out for this sort of thing... I believe you are a good person as your mum said, cos predators only target GOOD PEOPLE... they wouldnt want someone like them selves, b/c someone like them selves would see thru them right away....we didnt... I wouldnt like to see you leave under the assumption you have been judged...I too in the past have by offended by someones post, but I tell my self that is their story and that is their opinion, so I wont take it personal, a board with this many members is going to have diffrent views it doesnt mean it is directed at you..... I would say in your depression?, you feel low and unworthy..... THIS IS NOT TRUE, YOU ARE WORTHY OF RESPECT AND GOOD THINGS, I HOPE YOU DO NOT GO, BUT IF YOU DO, I WISH YOU ALL THE GOOD LUCK AND HAPPINESS THAT YOU SO RICHLY DESERVE...USED. XXX

You have posted on my posts, many times and have encouraged me. I too have suffered every form of abuse growing up. Everytime I feel like I step out to love someone, I hurt myself and those I love. But I know that I deserve love and happiness. Somedays it only, a speck and the depression thoughts overwhelm me. But that speck lets me believe. Women can be a great support system, in life, and on this site they provide that. I couldn't sleep tonight because of narc thoughts. Sometimes I just to fuck it, every step I take seems wrong and give up. But i get encourage on this site. I don't aways agree with everything said, but I only take what I can apply and leave the rest. You are a beautiful woman, I can tell by your posts. Know that we are always here for you.

Sending lots of LIGHT to you!!! Lots and lots of it!! xo