"Reinterpret the Crazy" -- Email Decoding

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#1 Jan 16 - 7PM

abreva

"Reinterpret the Crazy" -- Email Decoding

I have grown very weary of the non-strop drama that is the exnh-psychopath.
I really want to get on with it and Get On With My Life.
I really want the ridiculous emails he sends me to NOT bother me.
I’m doing this little exercise – called “reinterpret the crazy” – to hopefully help with the process.

In 445 words he delivered the following concepts to me, in a manipulative and high-minded way:

Your behavior is wrong.
You are a bad parent and you are hurting our children.
You are giving our children bad memories.
I’m a great parent.
You never stop yelling.
Don’t yell at me.
I’m a better parent than you.
You are a bad parent.
You are crazy.
The children will grow up and figure out how bad and awful you are and how you ruined their childhood and blame you.
You are stupid and wrong.
I am perfect.
You are bad.
They will grow up to hate you.
I am dangerous.
You are stupid.

This is a man that typically sends me at least 1 email “poke” a day.

#2 Feb 15 - 11AM

Hunter

Get a separate email address

Get a separate email address just for him.. Then you can check it when you are ready.. Now you have the control.. Hunter

#3 Mar 1 - 8AM (Reply to #29)

oceangirl

I wouldn't even read his

I wouldn't even read his emails anymore.

#4 Feb 15 - 2PM (Reply to #28)

abreva

Yes.

Hunter, Some brilliant person on here suggested the email just for him (may have been you) and I made that adjustment last month. It has been VERY helpful to partition him away from the rest of my life. There's a lot of back and forth opportunity right now due to health care issues - and oh boy, is he taking the opportunity! I'm ignoring as much as possible. :) A

#5 Feb 15 - 7AM

abreva

Now he's REALLY being "nice".

You are so smart. I am sorry for mistreating you. I am sincere. I care about you and respect you. ( No response from me. My thoughts: Once a snake, always a snake.)

#6 Feb 15 - 11AM (Reply to #26)

abreva

I did not respond and less than 12 hours later we have this...

---420 words---- (Blah Blah Blah) You are an unreasonable, easily upset, overly sensitive person. I am easy-going and reasonable. I’m better than you. You are bad. I’m a better parent than you are. (Lie) I’m a better parent than you are. I’m am so reasonable. ----------------- My thoughts: See the Snake Slither? The snake is looking for a new way to bite. I think he's going for the Sensitive Man approach -- he'll be able to send me a lot of "Thoughtful" and "Caring" emails. He'll get to do a show for the parent coordinator. He got a lot of SUPPLY yesterday via contact with me and the parent coordinator. I bet he is HIGH off it, There's no business like SHOW BIZ. I will not respond. Just my cut and paste. He is successfully pissing me off and wasting my time. But he will never know.

#7 Feb 15 - 7AM (Reply to #24)

dazed

Way to stand firm on this.

Way to stand firm on this. You are being very strong. Now only if he'd truly respect you and stop contacting you.

#8 Feb 15 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

abreva

Thank you - Thank you - Thank you!

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not gonna hold my breath for that respect! That day will never come. :)

#9 Feb 8 - 5PM

abreva

Now he's being Mr. Nice Guy

I wrote him my standard email (cut and paste) about how wrong it is for him to go off on me in emails - and to stop. Here's the reinterpretation of what he wrote in his 400 word email. There was nothing of substance. All scrambled eggs. "I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m a nice guy. I’m helpful. I’m innocent. I’m in the right. You are in the wrong. You are in big trouble." Of course, I will not respond. He wrote me other emails today which were equally lacking in content. Just blather. Useless blather. IGNORE. I'm sure he'll rant and rave some more, over something else, and I will ignore that too. And maybe once a month I'll send him the cut and paste email that says STOP. Just to make it clear to a judge or parent coordinator what I think of the situation. It really matters What Is At Stake. Custody is settled. So, what? A judge is going to come take my kids away because Mr. Insane writes a bunch of emails to me that make no sense, and I ignore him? I doubt it. And if the world goes that way - well, what can I do? Be trapped by the insanity for the rest of my life? NO. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

#10 Feb 15 - 9PM (Reply to #22)

freaked

The Signs are always there

another CN here i spot. Covert Narc... ugh they are far worse that the normal narc. with CN...somehow somehow....WE are always wrong, desperate, clingy, misunderstany, .... oh boy, sounds so much like what i went through with CN hss. I am certainly guilty of awaiting CN's mail asking why I was not online yesterday... BUT no such mail has arrived, nor ever will arrive. I will (like a private blubbering idiot) await for his email for the rest of life....even though i know very well that he will never open contact with me again. spent awhile trying to understand where I went wrong....then gradually accepting that ANYWAY this guy would have dumped me with some other excuse perhaps. It was doomed from the start... see, i just missed alllllllllll the Red Flags... the Warnings were there from Day 1. and somehow a narc always makes us miss them.... ONLY in retrospect i can see...the entire landscape was blaring RED. I had briefly gone colorblind.

#11 Jan 31 - 2PM

abreva

The latest email attack -- WOW! What a show!

290 words - 4 emails. 3 of which were remarkably nutty, and sent within 10 minutes of each other! He was really spewing! This is after a couple of weeks of practically ignoring him. Here is the condensed and translated version of what he said: Every sentence I type here corresponds to an actual sentence he wrote in his email. I’m good. You suck. You suck. You suck. You suck. You suck. You suck. You suck. YOU SUCK. YOU SUCK. You suck. I’m good. You are stupid. You suck. You are bad. You suck. You really suck. Really bad. ------------ It's actually pretty darn funny, it's also so scary, time-wasting, and foreboding. He's been doing this crap forever. And it looks like he will never stop. Will he ever stop? I'm not responding, in hopes that he will stop. But he is REALLY Ramped up right now. He just seems hysterical! Just let him go? I do respond to the stuff that is needed (bare minimum as you all have coached me) - but he's so irrational that I ignore most of it. He just wants to fight. Ignoring him is a completely NEW TAKE for me. His head must be spinning! Is he saying to himself: "What? Where is my mouse! I want to torture that mouse in this decade old game of cat and mouse! I can't abuse my new Target/Girlfriend yet, or else she'll ditch me! And I have to marry her asap so that everybody thinks I'm not GAY, and to prove that my ex-wife IS ACTUALLY AS CRAZY AS I SAID SHE WAS!!!! I must not blow it with my Target/Girlfriend!!! Who else is there for me to kick around!!!!" Like GeorgiaGirl told me to: I popped some popcorn and sat back and waited for the show. Whew. What a show! Dang people. Is he really going to stop if I keep ignoring with LC (Limited Contact)?

#12 Feb 15 - 9PM (Reply to #20)

freaked

Im taking freelance orders

you can give your narc my email id. Right now I am taking freelance orders:) about 4 weeks of Idealis about 4 weeks of deval and then 1 week for discard... and I promise to humour your narc with desperado emails for at least 6 months after that....to give you time to recuperate. what says? I would charge a flat fee for this blowjob. No refunds :) Perfect Victim Act Guaranteed by me. I have good experience in this now...after NH and HSS. thought, let me be service to society now :D

#13 Jan 28 - 2PM

GeorgiaGirl

I have an idea

After reading this thread I had a thought...if you receive these emails when you have the kids and you know he won't be getting the kids anytime soon, don't even open the email. At all. If you have the kids, you don't need his input on ANYTHING...and as long as his custodial time isn't imminent (next 12-24 hours) you don't need to hear from him AT ALL. I don't allow either of my baby daddys to change the parenting days/times unless there is a death in the family so as far as I'm concerned I NEVER NEED TO HEAR FROM THEM. Problem solved. I do read the emails when their parenting time approaches but it rarely ever has anything legitimately to do with the kids. He clearly is trying to blow thru your boundaries and mess with your head because you've only given him one avenue of contact (yeah for you!!!). Now you need boundaries for his email use. You don't need to say anything...just use the guidelines above when it comes to the emails. The repeated contact is going to prolong your recovery in any way...so do it for you and your sanity!

#14 Jan 28 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

abreva

Georgia Girl -- YOU ROCK

"He clearly is trying to blow thru your boundaries and mess with your head" Yes. He is. And I am messed up over it. Spending just 1 hour with him yesterday has me so worn out. I feel beat up and like I want to give up. There isn't even a way to give up. I'm trapped. These bad-time feelings are fewer and farther between as time goes on, and my boundaries get stronger, and I get more adept at handling him. But I'm REALLY tired of my life revolving around him in some way. I know you know what it's like. Thank you for being my advocate. Your advice about further email boundaries is BRILLIANT. Gratefully, Abreva

#15 Jan 28 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

GeorgiaGirl

You are welcome...

I'm just glad I can help!

#16 Jan 28 - 9AM

abreva

he just sent an email and now he wants to be "friends"

and he threw in a story about how our children want us to be friends. how it would be good for them. IGNORE

#17 Jan 28 - 9AM

nlvr7

NLP written all over it!

Block him or just don't respond. What a loser.

#18 Jan 28 - 7AM

abreva

Here's another email he sent.

Here's the condensed version of his 175 word email (which is REALLY short for his standards). "You are stupid. You are bad. I am better than you. Manipulate Lie Manipulate Lie Manipulate Lie Manipulate Lie"

#19 Jan 16 - 11PM

gettinbetter

Well the way to decode this

Well the way to decode this is to take a little trip to what I call opposite land. Take almost every thing they say and re-write it with the opposite and you will know what they are truly thinking. Another decoding method is to replace all of the "you's with "I's" and all of the "I's" with "you's" works everytime

#20 Jan 16 - 9PM

abreva

I just read the 2000 words.

Mostly he's -threatening me with lawsuits for defamation. -threatening to take me back to court for custody. -blaming me that we spent so much on the custody fight. -telling me I'm crazy and that other people think I'm crazy. -ranting at me because I said "you lied". blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I will ignore - like you good people say

#21 Jan 16 - 8PM

janemarie

This guy has no freakin life

This guy has no freakin life if he has so much time to write you non stop.....kinda pathetic and funny at the same time..... I know you have to keep in contact because of the kids... You can do two things here....One...ignore any email that has nothing to do with the kids...if he doesnt get a reaction he will get bored and eventually slow them down...two..print out every email that is harrassing in any way..create a folder to show the history of this, then take it to the proper authorities...this is a form of harrassment which is a criminal offense....anything with the intent to annoy, cause fear, is considered harrassment...dont give him any warning....just slam him with it eventually...he doesnt deserve the courtesy of a warning... You are in control now....NOT him!!!

#22 Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

abreva

He's a really fast typist! HA!

Thanks so much for your input!!! What do you think about the boundary of refusing to read the rant? "I will not read your email rants. Make them concise or I'll send them to the Parent Coordinator."

#23 Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #8)

janemarie

Hmmmmm...Ive been thinking

Hmmmmm...Ive been thinking hard about this one....I really think that it will be taken as a nice attention fix for him...He doesnt deserve to know anything that you are doing...telling him that your not gonna read them is gonna make him say to himself, "I got her to answer me...Im good....she is scared." Remember, you are NOT dealing with a normal person! Silence is golden...they dont deserve any answers...if you are really gonna contact the Parent Coordinator then just do it...he doesnt deserve any warnings.... Stay in control!!! Kill em with silence...it truely is the best punishment for them and the best healing technique for you! xoxo

#24 Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #9)

abreva

thank you

Thank you so much. I am going to do what you say. I have my little check-list of how to handle it - made from spending time here. Super thanks.

#25 Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

janemarie

This is why we are here for

This is why we are here for one another!!! ((HUGS)) xoxo

#26 Jan 16 - 8PM

abreva

drawing a boundary

It just occurred to me that I could NOT read the email and say something like: I will not read your email rants. Make them concise or I'll send them to the Parent Coordinator. Thoughts?

#27 Jan 16 - 7PM

Gravity

abreva

3 words: change.your.e-mail. Remember everything he says is twisted and delusional. You're better off not even knowing he sent them.. trust me. His words mean nothing because his brain is distorted. Yours is not! DON'T let him think it is!! You deserve everything you want and more! xoxoxo

#28 Jan 16 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

abreva

custody

Trust me honey -I would if I could. We communicate ONLY via email regarding the kids. He's REALLY ramped up lately!

#29 Jan 16 - 7PM

abreva

2 more emails tonight already!

Man! He's hot tonight! #2 was 1070 words #3 was 980 word but I didn't read them yet (just slipped it into Word for the count) probably won't read them tonight - or ever? I WISH. No doubt - lots of threats and admonitions. What a man!

#30 Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

Phoenix72

Restraining Order

Family court can issue Restraining Orders just like Magistrate's court does. I highly suggest you get one and then push for supervised or NO visitation for him with the kids. I'm just afraid that your children might become NPD like him if they are around him enough. :( And I know what it's like to be told I'm a deadbeat mom. But I was told that by my XN who I had only been with for 1 1/2 year. My kids are 10 and 12!!! We have shared custody where the visitation is every other monday to monday. Their dad, my Ex hubby, is an outstanding man. He's a great father, accomplished, classy, educated man...we just fought all the time and fell out of love with each other. Makes me wonder why I tolerated more shit from XN than I ever would have from my kid's dad. I need therapy! Heck, at least I can admit it! ha

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